


The Ghost of Lake Hailstorm

by Puntrest



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Inevitable Shower Sex, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-16
Updated: 2016-09-12
Packaged: 2018-08-09 03:09:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 35,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7784350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Puntrest/pseuds/Puntrest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Desperate for money and a place to sleep, Carmilla reacquires a job as a camp counselor. Though five long years have passed since she was sixteen and working her first and only summer at Camp Silas, the coworkers that she left behind haven’t forgotten about her—including Laura, her first love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fury of the Scorned

The lake was calm in the early morning hours. Even the light breeze that sent wisps of her hair dancing along her face couldn’t disturb the water’s surface. Lake Hailstorm, despite its foreboding name, was rarely ever a sore sight. Most summer days down by the lake started just like this, with tranquil water reflecting a colorful array of red and orange as the sunrise broke through the trees. A white crane lazily flew into the picturesque scene before landing on the floating dock in the center of the lake. 

It was a view that Carmilla hadn’t realized just how much she’d missed until she was faced with it again.

She took in a deep breath and allowed the smells of the lake to wash away her nerves. It wasn’t that she was anxious to start her first day back on as a camp counselor with only a single summer of experience under her belt—a summer that took place five whole years ago—nor was it that she’d been hired as a last minute replacement and was therefore showing up without having attended the traditional three pre-season employee training days. No, the concerns that weighed heavy on her mind were far from any worries about her abilities or her general lack of knowledge about the summer’s planned activities. Her nerves were caused solely by the memories that Camp Silas held for her. Some were good, some bad. Some were so great they filled her heart with longing for golden days, and some so sad that they almost sent her running back to the nearest bus stop.

The forest birds were all awake and singing as the sun finally found its way over the treetops. With no more time to stall, she began the ascent up to the main campgrounds where the housing cabins occupied half the property and recreational cabins filled up the rest. Most of the extra space between the wooden structures remained in use by campfire pits or a volleyball net or tether ball posts or old playground equipment or a grassy area for field games or the huge concrete fortress dubbed Town Hall that sat in the center of camp. The sturdy building contained the camp director’s office, the kitchen and cafeteria, a basement with piles upon piles of supplies, and, perhaps the most important aspect of the entire camp, the hot water showers.

It was a lot of stuff packed into a relatively small space in an undeniably immense forest, but Carmilla weaved between cabins and miscellaneous objects with practiced ease. The geography of the place hadn’t changed in the slightest since her last summer there. The Lightning Tree beside Cabin 9 still stood as it had, charred and all but split in two. The tire swing between Cabin 13 and Cabin 14 was still covered in paintball splatter, though the colors had certainly diminished over time. The lifeguard tower by the lake was still bright pink. The mural of the old camp director Vordenberg was still vandalized by a comically large mustache. So much about Carmilla’s life was different this summer, but Camp Silas hadn’t changed at all.

As Carmilla began climbing the concrete steps of Town Hall’s southern entrance, she noticed a figure appear in the open cafeteria doors ahead of her.

“It’s about time you showed up.” Mattie Belmonde called down to Carmilla, only half joking. The stress of the first day was no doubt already eating away at the newly appointed camp director, but expressing anything other than utter confidence was against Mattie’s nature.

“Better late than never.” Carmilla threw back. She stopped just outside the doorway beside her boss, but her eyes traveled within the cafeteria to where the other counselors had all gathered. A few cliques had broken away from the majority to sit at their own tables, but most of them chose to walk around greeting each other and catching up after having spent another long off-season apart.

“Are you prepared for the campers to arrive?” Mattie asked, presumably aware that Carmilla had done nothing to ready herself or her cabin for the inevitable invasion of children.

“Absolutely.” She lied before turning her gaze back on Mattie and asking, “Are _you_?”

Mattie gave her a knowing look but echoed back, “Absolutely.”

“You’re going to do great.” Carmilla assured her quietly, so as not to let anyone inside the cafeteria overhear. “I mean, you hired me, so you’re already making quality decisions.”

Mattie chuckled at that and said, “You never were very good at pep talks.”

“You hardly knew me or my pep talks.” Carmilla reminded her. “One summer five years ago? I’m not even the same person that I was back then.”

Mattie cautiously looked through the doors. Her eyes searched for a particular counselor, but they returned to Carmilla before she was able to find the face she sought. Finally, she replied, “For your sake, let’s hope none of us are.”

"What's that supposed to mean?" Carmilla asked.

"She's here." Mattie said simply.

“You…you don’t mean…no…” Carmilla’s feet took a few steps backward before her mind could fully comprehend the meaning of Mattie’s blunt answer. “No, she’s not here.” Carmilla shook her head in disbelief. “ _She_ is not here, because if _she_ was going to be here then that’s a vital piece of information that _you_ would’ve mentioned before _my_ ass got stuck in the middle of this godforsaken forest for eight weeks.”

Mattie looked as if she wanted to roll her eyes but controlled the urge.

“It was one summer five years ago. You’re not even the same person anymore. Right? Or have you already forgotten your own bullshit?” Mattie checked over her shoulder for any potential eavesdroppers before continuing. “Look, we were both caught in a desperate situation. You needed a job, I needed a counselor. And it’s not like withholding the name of one of your fellow coworkers is some type of crime.”

“It’s a crime of morals.” Carmilla whined. “You should’ve said something.”

“You didn’t even ask if she’d be here. How was I supposed to know that you’d still care about a girl you had a little summer fling with five years ago?” Mattie countered.

Carmilla felt anger rising up inside her. To say that the events of her first Camp Silas summer were nothing more than a little fling felt like an insult. It stung to hear her fond memories be written off as insignificant, when in reality she carried that summer around with her like it was a sword that had been permanently lodged deep into her chest. She relived that summer in her dreams, vividly and often. It was a beautiful summer that she would give anything to go back to. A summer she would give anything to change the ending of.

Carmilla waited the few extra moments it took to stifle her discontent before replying to Mattie, “I don’t care about her. I just don’t do drama. That’s all.”

“Well, let’s hope it doesn’t come to that then.” Mattie was clearly unconvinced by Carmilla's weak lies, but she let it go all the same. The camp director turned on her heels and entered the cafeteria, beckoning for Carmilla to follow her.

But Carmilla couldn’t move. Just knowing that _she_ was in there, in that very room, paralyzed her. It wasn’t fear that kept her immobile. Or, perhaps it truly was fear that left her unable to face a truth that she’d been running from for so long. Or was it insecurity? Self-pity? Regardless, the feelings that were bubbling up beneath the surface were all a bit too unfamiliar for her liking.

With her heart racing, Carmilla's pride forced her feet to walk through the cafeteria doors. She sidestepped to the nearest wall, just beside a large window, and blended herself into it the background. There, she crossed her arms over her chest and searched the room as nonchalantly as she could manage.

“Alright, settle down!” Mattie’s voice carried easily throughout the open space. “Take a seat. Let’s get this over with quick.”

As the standing bodies took up the obvious vacant spots, Carmilla struggled to find one out of the way. Luckily, she spotted and claimed a seat for herself not too far from the exit. As she slid onto the end of the picnic table bench, she gave the other occupants no more than half a glance. Just enough to know that they weren’t the face she so desperately wanted to find. She did her best to continue the hunt, but determining someone’s identity solely by the back of their head was tougher than it seemed.

What’s more, Carmilla was so enthralled with her task that she failed to notice a pair of redheads at her own table staring her down.

“Listen up!” Mattie put her hands on her hips as she addressed the sixty or so counselors that sat before her. “I want to take a moment to officially welcome everyone to another exciting summer at Camp Silas. We’ve got a long eight weeks ahead of us, and those two months will be filled with ups and downs of all kinds, but we all know that by the final bittersweet day each of us is left wondering how the time flew by so fast. So let’s make our time count! And let’s give these kids the best summer of their lives.” A bit of applause broke out but it was short-lived as Mattie quickly retook control of the floor. “Alright, now, you should all remember that if you have any problems or questions, you should find your cabin’s assigned head counselor. If they can’t help you, they will direct you to someone who can. Make sure you have your counselor packs with you at all time. I don’t want to see a single counselor walking around without their essentials. And for the love of this great and noble camp, please, I beg you, keep any of your free-time _adult_ activities off the property or at the _very_ least where the kids won’t accidentally walk in on you. We don’t need another ’09 incident here, people. Okay, go double check that your cabins are ready to host, get your counselor packs if you left them behind, and then head over to the check-in desks. We’ll need all hands on deck when the families get here. I want everyone down at the parking lot by eight. I know check-in starts at ten, but you all know how those antsy early-bird parents operate. Counselors, go forth and conquer the day!”

The moment that Mattie dismissed her worker bees, the room erupted into a frenzy of movement and conversation. Carmilla stood with the intent to resume scanning the crowd, but two redheads standing in unison while staring at directly at her was too strange to ignore. When the two continued to stare, seemingly unbothered that she’d caught them, she decided to confront them head on.

“Can I help you?” She snapped at the pair. It was only after the two shared a look of annoyance amongst themselves that Carmilla recognized who they were.

“Not particularly. I do have a few questions, though.” LaFontaine replied seriously. They had a much shorter haircut now, but not much else had changed about them.

“I don’t have time for an interview.” Carmilla didn’t bother to fake a polite tone. She had always felt rather indifferent toward the best friend duo five years ago, but the circumstances of that summer were no longer relevant and thus nothing compelled her to be civil with them this time around.

“One question then.” LaFontaine amended. “Why are you here?”

She didn’t feel that she owed them an answer, but she gave one anyway. “Survival.”

Perry voiced her dissatisfaction immediately by saying, “LaF didn’t mean existentially. What are you doing here at Silas?”

Rather than reply, Carmilla turned and walked away. If those two dimwits couldn’t understand the meaning of her answer the first time around, there was no point in trying to explain it to them. 

Carmilla managed to make it all the way to the outside of Cabin 3 before someone else tried talking to her. When the tall boy asked if she’d worked at Silas before, she lied and told him she hadn’t just to escape the conversation she’d inadvertently found herself trapped in. He didn’t believe her, the fact that he recognized exactly who she was sat clear on his face, but she didn’t care. She left him standing at the bottom of the stairs scratching his head.

When she finally slipped inside the safety of the cabin and shut the screen door behind her, she took a moment to stand there and observe the six sets of bunkbeds while they were still empty. Soon, the nightmare would begin. Soon, she would be co-responsible for twelve lives. Soon, what little happiness she still possessed would be sucked out of her by the rebellious angst of a bunch of bratty thirteen-year-old girls who would take every chance they could get to sneak off and smoke cigarettes in the woods, or run down to the lake for a late night swim with the boys, or fall in love with a girl sleeping one bed over.

Footsteps from behind the cabin divider alerted Carmilla to an approaching figure. Her eyes reached the curtain just in time to see someone emerge from the counselor’s section. It was her, because _of course_ it was her. Why wouldn’t it be _her_? Why would fate ever be kind to Carmilla?

Then again, finally being able to gaze upon the face she’d been longing to see did feel somewhat like emerging from the murky depths of the lake to take a breath of fresh air at the surface. Or, maybe she was still drowning and this breath was only filling her lungs with water.

She couldn’t quite tell just yet which one it was.

While her brain struggled to figure it out—air or water, air or water—she allowed herself to indulge in the view. Laura looked just as Carmilla remembered her. She was older, sure, and something was different about her hair, but she was otherwise the same. Still the girl who so often crept into Carmilla’s dreams. Still the tiny brown eyed counselor from Cabin 3. Still Laura.

“I heard your voice.” The words fell from Laura’s lips slowly and softly, as if she was unsure whether or not she was talking to a real person or a ghost. “I thought I was going crazy...because I kept hearing it through the door. But it's really you."

The silence that followed was tense and awkward. Neither girl knew what the right thing to say was, though there was likely nothing right that could be said.

Finally, Laura asked the question that seemed to be on everyone’s mind.

“What are you doing here?”

Miraculously, Carmilla found the strength to answer in an even tone. “Mattie hired me to replace some girl that quit last week. I had to take the bus up here. Got in just before sunrise.”

“Why here?” Laura pressed, expressionless.

Carmilla didn’t know how to answer because she didn’t actually have an answer. She scrambled for something to say and settled on, “Mattie didn’t tell me that you’d be here.”

Laura took a step forward, her hands balled into shaky fists, she gritted her teeth, and a look of agony contorted her face into something that Carmilla had never seen before.

Angrily, heartbrokenly, she asked again, “Why did you come back here?”

“I never thought that you’d still be here working here.” It wasn’t the answer either of them wanted to hear, but it was the most truthful answer Carmilla could give.

Laura released her fists as tears brimmed her eyes. The tears rolled down her cheeks slowly, as if the evidence of her pain demanded to be seen.

“Okay.” She said before wiping her face dry with her hands. She nodded, sniffled, and avoided making eye contact. “I’ll see if someone will switch cabins with you. In the meantime, we don’t have to talk about us, or about each other, or about anything that doesn’t pertain to our jobs.”

“I just want to say…” Carmilla found and lost her courage all at once. But Laura was waiting for her to finish her declaration, and she didn’t want to look like a coward who couldn’t speak her mind. “I just want to say, I’m sorry.”

“No.” Laura shook her head and wiped a final stray tear from her cheek. “No, you don’t get to be sorry. You only came back here because you didn’t think I’d be here? Well, pretend like I’m not then. I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want to hear your apologies. I don’t want excuses or reasons or _anything_ from you. I don’t even want to look at you. You’re not worth my time. I’ve wasted enough of that on you already.”

Carmilla wanted to say more, talking when no one wanted her to was actually quite a talent of hers, but she couldn’t bring herself to utter a single word. She had imagined this reunion going a million different ways, but not once did she ever imagine that it could feel so devastating.

“I’m going to help get the sign-in tables ready.” Laura announced. “Don’t unpack your things. You won’t be sleeping in this cabin tonight.”

\--

Carmilla was sitting on the southern steps to Town Hall when Mattie found her. The camp’s first dinner was underway, and the clamor of conversation filtered out through the open cafeteria doors to where she sat on the concrete stairs. She had chosen to remain outside rather than go in and eat with the rest of them, just as she had chosen to do during the lunch hour. She needed that peaceful hour alone more than she needed chicken tenders and fries.

The day had gone by slowly so far, but she considered herself lucky to at least be looking after the older campers. Watching actual kids would’ve had her pulling her own hair out by now. The little kids were more annoying, but she had to admit that thirteen was still a fairly rough age to be responsible for. The older campers were more independent, and honestly they really didn’t need a babysitter to keep an eye on them at their age, but they caused trouble in their own ways and therefore supervision was a must. The older ones were the sneakiest and the most rebellious. They liked to cause problems with more severe consequences. They loved to do things like vandalize property, steal food from the kitchen, or dare each other to skinny dip in the lake at night.

To put it briefly, ensuring that twelve thirteen-year-old girls safely made it through the summer wasn’t going to be the easiest job Carmilla ever had, but it wasn’t going to be the hardest one either.

“How’d it go?” Mattie asked as she stopped halfway up the stairs. She put her elbow on the hand railing and leaned into it, looking down expectantly at Carmilla.

“You knew she’d be in my cabin.” It was an accusation rather than a question.

“You begged me for this job.” Mattie reminded her. “And I pulled a lot of strings to get you here."

“You should’ve warned me.”

“You wouldn’t have come if I had.”

“You’re damn right I wouldn’t have.” Carmilla knew from the calm look on Mattie’s face that this would-be argument was going nowhere.

Mattie lowered her voice and revealed, “Laura pulled me aside earlier to talk.”

Carmilla couldn’t contain her curiosity. “And?”

“And I told her no.” Mattie shrugged indifferently. “Cabin assignments were finalized days ago. It’s too late to switch. It’s unfair to the campers and the other staff members.”

“I’m sure she took that well.”

“About as well as expected.”

“So what now?” Carmilla wondered aloud.

Mattie kept quiet as a few counselors walked by.

“You do your job.” She answered once their coworkers were out of earshot. “You put aside your personal differences and you look after these kids. I don’t know the full extent what happened five years ago, but it doesn’t matter now. It’s been long enough. It’s time to ask for forgiveness and move on. If she wants to let you back into her life, great. If she doesn’t want anything to do with you, that’s okay too. Just stay professional and keep your personal shit away from the kids.”

“Why do I feel like I’m being punished?” Carmilla asked, a bit too earnestly for Mattie’s liking. The camp director laughed, but Carmilla had the undeniable feeling that Mattie was laughing at her rather than with her.

“That’s your problem.” Mattie told her. “You still think you’re the one who’s getting the worse end of this deal. You broke that poor girl’s heart. I may not know all the details, but I know you walked away from what you had with her and never looked back. I know you made her a lot of promises that you never kept. And now, after all this time, you show back up and she has to share a cabin with you every night? I don't blame her for being a mess." Mattie sighed. "Look, I’ll just tell you what I told her. If I hadn’t been desperate for a replacement counselor, I never would’ve put the two of you in this situation. I know the circumstances suck, but I couldn’t leave you sleeping in the streets and I couldn’t leave her cabin without a second counselor.”

Carmilla’s blood turned to ice.

“You told her that?” She felt embarrassed, which only led to anger.

“I told her you were in need of work and a place to live.” Mattie clarified. “I told her it was bad enough that I couldn’t turn you away, but I didn’t get into any specifics.”

Carmilla let out a heavy sigh. After a quiet moment, she said, “If it ever gets to the point that she's too uncomfortable and wants to leave, let me know. I’ll go so that she doesn’t have to.”

“Neither of you are going anywhere. You signed a contract, remember? You can’t leave before the summer ends. Not unless you have a personal emergency. I’m afraid a lover’s quarrel doesn’t quite count as an emergency here.”

“You didn’t see the way she looked at me.” Carmilla could still feel the sharpness of Laura’s glare cutting into her.

“You’d better get used to it for now.” Mattie suggested. “It’s going to take some time before she’s willing to talk.”

“I don’t know if she’ll ever want to talk.”

“She will.” Mattie assured her.

Carmilla looked down at her feet and asked, “How do you know that?”

Mattie pushed herself away from the railing and walked further up the stairs. She stopped at Carmilla’s side to look down at her and say, “Every first full moon of summer, she goes down to the lake and swims out to the floating dock.” Mattie turned to leave, but stopped herself. Adding one last thing, she said, “The full moon is next week. With you being here, I can’t help but wonder if she’ll make the swim again this year.”

Mattie left her alone on the stairs without another word. Despite all logic warning Carmilla not to get wrapped up in the news of Laura’s annual reenactment of their full moon swim five years ago, a small seed of hope began to sprout within her chest.

\--

Carmilla sat on her flimsy single spring bed and waited for Laura to finish talking with their girls. She had a feeling that Laura’s interest in joining the campers’ conversations was more of an avoidance tactic than anything else, but Carmilla wasn’t about to complain. It was nice to a have a moment to herself, away from the eyes of fellow counselors who had all heard the gossip about her. And to a have a moment free from Laura’s persistent disregard for Carmilla's presence. Just a moment alone to do nothing but sit in silence and reflect.

It had been a long day of supervising get-to-know-you exercises and of avoiding standing anywhere within ten feet of Laura. Carmilla was more than ready to get some sleep after it all. The only breaks she’d gotten were during lunch and dinner, when she’d sat outside the cafeteria to escape any awkward encounters at the counselors’ tables. Her empty stomach still ached, but hunger pains weren’t all that new to her.

The longer she sat on her own, the more exhausted she felt. The only upside to her dismal evening was that the girls of Cabin 3 were going easy on their counselors for the first night. All twelve were ready for bed and discussing the day’s communal camp activities amongst themselves before curfew even hit. Surely, though, the nights to come would not be so effortless.

When the curtain divider split and Laura walked into their shared end of the cabin, Carmilla felt her entire body tense. Laura ignored her, just as she’d been doing for the entire day, and began rummaging through her bags. Though Carmilla’s moment of peace was over, she was ready to see what kind of treatment Laura would give her now that they were alone again for the first time since that morning.

With her toiletry bag in one hand and a towel in the other, Laura abruptly turned to face Carmilla.

“No one would switch with us.” She nearly spat the words, clearly disgusted with the fact that they would have to share a small living space for the next eight weeks.

Anything that Carmilla had to say was likely to stir up an even greater fury from Laura, so she kept her words to herself and only nodded in acknowledgement. But, despite her careful efforts to keep things from escalating, her lack of a verbal response backfired and only angered Laura more.

“This isn’t fair.” Laura kept her voice at a whisper, careful not to let the chatting girls on the other side of the cabin hear, but she made no effort to hide her emotions. “You shouldn’t have come back here.”

“I’m sorry.” It was all Carmilla could say.

“I don’t want your fake apology.”

“It’s not a fake apology.” Carmilla felt defeated but she didn’t know what else to do. Fixing things with Laura, making it right between them, felt more and more like a dream beyond her reach.

“It doesn’t even matter. You’re five years too late.” Laura let out a dry laugh. “You know, after the first month went by without a word from you…I thought maybe you died. I mean, why else would you ignore my calls, my voicemails, my texts? I got worried that something terrible had happened to you. So you know what I did? I called everyone we worked with that summer and asked if they’d heard from you. I begged them to call anyone whose number I didn’t have. Then I yelled at our boss when he wouldn’t give me your home address over the phone. Then I spent hours searching for your parents’ information online, which sucked, you know, since you _refused_ to talk about them. But even through all that, I never stopped looking for answers. At least, not until November came. That’s when someone forwarded me a picture of you at some Halloween party.” She clutched her towel and toiletry bag closer to her chest. “I couldn’t believe it. There you were. Happy. Drunk. _Alive_.” She laughed again. “And with some other girl sitting on your lap to top it all off. But the worst part? The worst part of it all was that the picture didn’t just get sent to me. It was sent ‘reply all’ to _everyone_ I’d ever asked about you.” She waited for her words to sink in. The longer she waited, the harder her expression grew. “You humiliated me. You made me care, made me cry…you made me think that the girl I loved was dead.”

Though she didn’t want to do it, Carmilla offered, “I can explain.”

“Save it. Nothing you have to say matters to me.” Laura shook her head and slid on her shower shoes. As she reached the cabin divider, she stopped and quietly added, “I loved you, and you broke my heart. I’ve accepted that. But this? You coming back here? To our cabin? Like it’s easy for you? It just goes to show what kind of a person you really are. Cruel. Selfish. Heartless."

Carmilla stood and picked up her lone backpack of belongings from the floor. Her knees shook, and her emotions felt as if they’d just gone for round in the boxing ring, but she stood there and faced the consequences of her actions.

“I’ll go.” Carmilla told her. “You’re right, I shouldn’t have come back here. It's not fair to anyone.”

Laura glanced to the backpack and then back to Carmilla. Quietly, she replied, “No. No, you don’t get to run away from this again. You’re going to stay here and do your job. You’re not going to leave me here with twelve campers to look after by myself. You’re not going to leave Mattie down a counselor after she went out of her way to get you here. You can’t just keep going through life breaking the promises you make.”

Carmilla let her bag fall from her shoulder. It hit the floor with a resounding thud.

“Okay. I’ll stay.” Carmilla felt numb. Laura’s wrath was everything that she deserved to endure, and deep down she knew that, but understanding the necessity of the situation didn’t make it any easier.

“We don’t have to do this ever again.” Laura gestured with her toiletry bag to Carmilla then to herself. “We don’t have to talk about the past. We don’t have to try and be friends. I don’t want that. I want a coworker who will do their job. That’s it. That’s all you are to me. That’s all you’re going to be.”

“Okay.”

“Good.”

“Can I just say one thing?” Carmilla knew that she was pushing her luck but this brief moment of truce wasn’t going to last forever. For all she knew, this could very well be her one and only opportunity to have her words be heard.

Irritated, Laura yielded. “One thing.”

Carmilla’s heart thumped rapidly in her chest as she said, “I’m not the person I was five years ago. I don’t expect that to change things, but I do want you to know that who I am now _is_ sorry for what happened. I know it’s too late to explain my side. That’s okay. I'll respect that. But if you ever do want to hear why I did the things I did…I won’t hold anything back.”

Carmilla wasn't sure what the look on Laura's face meant, or if her words had fallen on deaf ears, or if she'd only dug herself further into this nightmarish hole she was in. All she knew was that right then, for a flickering moment in time, she could see a glimpse of old Laura staring back at her. The Laura that would drop everything, run across the room, and leap into her arms. The Laura that would kiss her with the passion of a long lost lover. The Laura that she never stopped loving.

With a feigned calm exterior, Laura replied, “That was more than one thing.”

Ending the conversation there, Laura slipped through the cabin divider and left Carmilla alone in the peaceful quiet once more.


	2. Word Around Town

Soft morning light was just beginning to filter inside the cabin through the thin window curtains when Carmilla awoke. She rolled over on the bed and stretched out her stiff muscles, startling herself when the old springs creaked beneath her movement. In her waking daze, she had forgotten where she was.

But one look across the room brought the previous day’s events crashing down on her.

As her gaze settled on the sleeping body in the matching bed parallel to hers, Carmilla was struck by a major case of déjà vu. Laura was facing the wall with her back to Carmilla, softly snoring as she slept. At some point during the night she’d gotten too hot and kicked off her bedsheet. She slept with one pillow beneath her head, but had it pulled downward at angle so that she could curl up on her side. It was a scene that Carmilla’s sixteen-year-old self had grown fond of waking up to.

Moving as quietly as she could, Carmilla rolled out of bed and searched the floor for her bag. She unzipped it slowly, trying to be a considerate as she could. The last thing she wanted to do was give Laura a rude awakening on their second day.

Once Carmilla had found the items she was after, she grabbed a ‘staff’ uniform shirt from the pile atop her empty dresser and eased herself across the creaky floorboards. On her way out the door, she did a quick count to check that their campers were safe and sound in their beds. She was relieved to see that all twelve girls were exactly where they were supposed to be. Having to run around camp on the hunt for an AWOL camper was never a good way to start the day.

The trek to Town Hall was a windy one. By the time Carmilla entered the girls’ showers, she was wishing she’d thought to throw on her jacket before rushing out of the cabin. She did, however, find a reprieve from the winds soon enough. Though it was a chilly morning out in the open, the Silas showers were far from being cold or dry. The floors seemed to be perpetually damp and the air managed to remain humid long after the showers had turned off. On cool mornings like these, walking into the shower room felt something like walking into a sauna.

Carmilla could hear running water as soon as she stepped through the doorway, which meant that she wasn’t the only person up early looking to beat the morning rush. She took to the sinks first, where she brushed her teeth and checked herself in the mirror. The running water a few stalls down from the sinks cut off just as Carmilla was packing away her toothbrush into a makeshift toiletry bag. A tall redhead with a towel wrapped around her body emerged from the stall and walked over to the bench she’d left her bag on. Whenever the woman moved, her shower shoes loudly squished and squeaked against the tiled floor.

“Morning.” The other counselor greeted politely. It was only after her second glance to Carmilla that recognition crossed her face. “Oh. Hey. I heard rumors you were back. Almost didn’t believe them.”

Carmilla tucked her bag under her arm and turned to properly face her. With little regard for how cordial her tone was, Carmilla replied, “It’s too early for this. How about we chat some other time, Lawrence.”

“Lawrence?” Danny laughed. “Come on, Carmilla. It’s been, what, five years? We’re not teenagers anymore. You don’t have to pull the same old ‘tough guy’ act. It wouldn’t kill you to be nice to people and make friends.”

Carmilla didn’t particularly want to further engage in the conversation, but her pride wouldn’t allow her to walk away without having said the final word. “I’m not interested in being friends with you.”

“Suit yourself.” Danny shrugged, unbothered. “But you’ll never get people to believe that you’ve changed if you keep acting the same.”

Carmilla’s cool exterior faltered at that. Showing a bit too much concern for her liking, she asked, “What did Laura say to you?”

As she began dressing herself beneath her towel, Danny answered, “Nothing about you. I hardly saw her at all yesterday.” She paused to slip a ‘staff’ shirt over her head and toss the towel to the bench. “All I’m saying is that a lot has changed since you’ve been gone. For all of us. And I’m not going to hate you on principle just because we didn’t get along when we first met.”

“We didn’t get along because you kept flirting with the girl I liked.” Carmilla reminded her.

“I’ve known Laura since I was eight.” Danny pointed out, staying relaxed in the face of Carmilla’s blatant frustration. “Was I was jealous when you showed up and swept her off her feet? Yeah, sure, I can admit that. But, trust me, flirting with her wasn’t anything new for me. Honestly, after a while I was really only doing it to annoy you. But, hey, I’m willing to forget all of the pettiness and start new with a clean slate if you are.”

“I’ll pass.” Carmilla didn’t have to think twice. Of all the annoying and insufferable people that she’d met at Camp Silas, Danny Lawrence had never failed to outshine them all. She was a rival to Carmilla in every sense of the word. There was no point in making nice with a person she’d surely fall out with before the end of the day. 

Danny shook her head in disbelief. “Why did you even come back to camp? If you’re not looking to make amends, why bother showing up at all?” She threw up her hands in surrender. “You know what? It doesn’t matter. I thought you came back to show that you’ve changed. Guess I was wrong.”

“I _have_ changed.” Carmilla knew at this point she was arguing just to argue, but she couldn’t stop herself.

“Good luck proving that.” Danny replied as she collected her things in her arms. She started for the exit, but stopped halfway to add, “You can be an asshole to me all you want—that’s fine, I don’t care—but don’t treat her like this. If there’s any good in you, you’ll leave her alone and just let her be.”

\--

When Carmilla returned to Cabin 3 fresh and clean, the campers were already up and getting ready for the day. Their movement and chatter was a stark difference compared to the peaceful quiet that she had left behind, but more notably their awakening meant that Cabin 3’s head counselor was surely out of bed as well.

Carmilla took a deep breath and parted the cabin divider. She let the curtains fall back together behind her back, but otherwise found herself unable to move. Laura casually looked over her shoulder to see who had entered, and, remaining expressionless, returned to the task of sticking her arms through the short sleeves of her shirt before pulling it over her head. Carmilla felt guilty for staring, but apologizing for the act wasn’t worth the potential argument that it might spark.

Instead, Carmilla averted her gaze for the remainder of her morning. She didn’t look at Laura while they got ready, she didn’t look at Laura when they walked the campers over to Town Hall for breakfast, and she didn’t look at Laura when they led the girls from one camp activity to the next. She hated to put so much energy into ignoring someone who was so clearly putting an effort into ignoring her too, but Danny’s words kept ringing in her ears wherever she went.

There was nothing Carmilla wanted to do more than to explain herself to Laura and ask for forgiveness, but Laura wasn’t ready to hear any of that yet; and perhaps she never would be. While Carmilla waited to see which way Laura’s desires would fall, the least that she could do for Laura was give her some space.

“Look out!” The shrill scream of a pigtailed camper jerked Carmilla from her thoughts a split second before a speeding object collided with her face. Carmilla stumbled backward until ultimately falling on flat on her back with the world spinning around her. Between the impact of the dodgeball against her face and the back of her head hitting the hard ground, Carmilla was left seeing stars.

In what felt like a dream, Carmilla pried her eyes apart to see a circle of girls staring down at her. One face stood out amongst the others.

“Are you okay?” Laura asked, showing a bit of genuine concern that the giggling campers lacked.

“Never felt better.” Carmilla groaned. Her sarcasm delighted the campers, who all promptly returned to their game laughing at their counselor’s misfortune.

Carmilla expected Laura to offer a hand of support to her, but no such show of kindness ever came. After realizing that she was on her own, Carmilla pushed herself up and, with an embarrassing amount of effort, finally got herself back onto her feet. As she dusted bits of grass and dirt from her clothes, she asked Laura, “Which one of those little shits threw that?”

With a hint of a smirk, Laura answered, “It was my ball.”

“Oh.” Carmilla brought a hand up to rub the rising bump on her head and winced at the pain. “Well, nice shot.”

“I know.” Laura agreed. With that, she jumped right back into the ongoing game.

Carmilla remained off to the side as the others played. She was careful to keep her eye on the ball at all time, but whenever it landed in Laura’s possession, Carmilla was able to get a good look at the girl having fun and smiling. It was another déjà vu moment. Then again, nearly everything at Camp Silas was. It was hard not to think of the past when living in a place that withstood the passing of time. The people were a little different, sure, but the trees and the rocks and the cabins were all the same as they’d been before. No matter which way Carmilla turned, she was bombarded by memories of a golden summer.

\--

Carmilla’s hunger had grown ravenous by lunch, which led her to actually venture inside the cafeteria during a mealtime. She kept her selections light, with no more than a sandwich, apple, and juicebox on her tray. What to eat, however, was the least of her worries.

The whole time that she searched the counselors’ tables for a place to sit, the judgmental eyes of her coworkers followed her. The sole exception was Laura, who pretended not to see Carmilla at all.

“Hey, new girl, you can sit by us if you want.”

The counselor who had spoken gestured to an empty space between him and a second boy at the table. She knew who the first boy was, five years had changed Wilson Kirsch though not to the point that he was unrecognizable, but the two peers eating with him were both new faces to her.

Reluctantly, Carmilla took Kirsch’s offer and squeezed herself onto the bench beside him.

“I’m Kirsch.” He smiled cheerfully at her as she settled into place.

“I know who you are.” Carmilla felt no remorse for how harsh her tone was, but that morning’s conversation with Danny was still weighing heavy on her mind. Heavy enough to make her put effort into sounding a little nicer than she felt like being. “I remember you, I mean.”

“Dude, not gonna lie, you had me freaking out yesterday when you said you’d never been here before. But I knew you weren’t new. I knew it!” He pumped his fist into the air victoriously before pointing to the others around them. “Oh, and this is Mel and Theo. Actual new people. Newbies, this is Carmilla.”

“So you’re the infamous Carmilla.” Theo grinned. “A lot of people have been saying some nasty things about you.”

“Story of my life.” Carmilla sighed.

Theo looked around at Kirsch and Mel and then back to Carmilla, ensuring that he was the center of attention before he said, “I heard you were locked up in prison for killing a man. Got out early on some technicality.”

Carmilla scoffed. “Is that really the best they could come up with?”

“Well, I heard…” Mel paused for dramatic effect. “That you got knocked up and now you’ve come back because your kid is one of the campers.”

“I’d sooner end up in prison than birth a child.” Carmilla said before taking a bite of her sandwich.

Kirsch leaned in closer to the group to say, “I heard that you’re, like, a real bloodsucking vampire.”

Fighting back a smile, Carmilla jokingly said, “Oh, well, that one’s actually true.”

The game of sharing off-the-wall theories went on for most of the hour, but Carmilla didn’t mind. It was nice to interact with peers who didn’t treat her like some evil villain come back from the dead. In all honesty, the three other counselors weren’t particularly interesting individuals, but they never asked about the truth of Carmilla’s controversy or mentioned Laura’s name, and that much was enough for her to feel grateful toward them.

\--

It was late into the afternoon when Carmilla received an hour of downtime to herself. The older campers were all down at the lake being supervised by the lifeguards, giving the counselors the freedom to do whatever they wanted. Some went swimming themselves, some sunbathed in the lounge chairs, and others set up a volleyball tournament. But Carmilla? All she wanted was a nice nap in bed.

She had expected to find Cabin 3 empty, but when she walked inside she came across a lone pigtailed camper sitting on a bottom bunk.

“Hey.” Carmilla stopped and waited for the girl to respond. When she didn’t, Carmilla walked over to her and crouched down beside the bed. “What are you doing hanging out in here by yourself?”

“I don’t want to swim.” The girl answered in a small voice.

Carmilla tried her hardest to remember what this girl’s name was but blanked on it completely. It was then that she realized she truly didn’t know a single camper’s name at all. Giving up on trying to recall the camper’s name, she made a mental note to find the official list and learn those later.

Unsure of what she was supposed to do, Carmilla asked, “Why not?”

The girl shrugged. “Just don’t want to.”

“There are other campers playing near the water. You can hang out with them. You don’t have to go in the lake if you don’t want to.” Carmilla suggested. She was trying her hardest to be friendly and helpful, but dealing with upset kids had never really been a talent of hers.

“I don’t want to go.” She repeated, clearly distraught.

“Is it because you don’t know how to swim?” Carmilla wondered.

“No. I love swimming.” The girl looked away, embarrassed. “I don’t want to wear a bathing suit in front of people. The boys already think I’m fat and that’s with normal clothes on.”

“Oh.” Carmilla felt her heart sink. Though this was an issue that she couldn’t personally relate to, she felt horrible to hear that a thirteen-year-old felt this insecure about her body. Without thinking hard enough about her choice of words, Carmilla said, “Fuck ‘em.”

The girl giggled, both shocked and amused that a counselor would say such a thing in front of her.

Noting the positive response, Carmilla continued. “Fuck anyone who tries to shame you for the way you are. They’re just stupid boys who don’t matter. Don’t ever let them get to you. They’ll say whatever it takes to make themselves feel good or whatever will get a laugh out of their dumb friends. They’re not worth hiding from.” Carmilla made a show of cracking her knuckles in a comical manor. “And if anyone ever says something about you that hurts your feelings, just point them out to me. I’ll take care of it.”

“What will you do to them?” She asked with a smile.

“Hmm…” Carmilla pretended to ponder her answer. “How about a good, old-fashioned swirly in the toilet?”

The girl laughed. “That’s disgusting.”

“Or, even better, I could yell at them in front of all their little friends.” Carmilla suggested.

“Can you yell at Chet Harrington?” She asked hopefully. “He’s the one who keeps making fat jokes.”

“Definitely.” Carmilla promised. “And with a name like _Chet_ , he’ll probably cry when I’m through with him.”

Carmilla spent a few more minutes talking with the girl before she found the courage to go down to the lake. Carmilla offered to walk down with her, but she declined. This was a battle she wanted to tackle on her own. As Carmilla watched the girl leave, she couldn’t help but feel proud of her camper for facing her fears. All she’d needed was a pep talk and someone to have her back, and Carmilla was happy to provide that sense of security for her.

Alone again, Carmilla turned to walk through the cabin divider but was stopped short by the sight of Laura standing in the opening with a curtain drawn back. As they stared at each other in silence, it dawned on Carmilla that her fellow counselor had no doubt heard everything that she’d said to the camper.

No longer able to stand the quiet, Carmilla caved and said, “Don’t worry. I won’t use _foul language_ with a camper again.” She threw up a pair of air quotes as she used Mattie’s dull code of conduct terminology. “I just thought it was what she needed to hear.”

Laura’s tight grip on the curtain was strong enough to turn her knuckles white, but her voice was calm as she said, “You were really sweet with her. It was nice, what you said.”

“Sweet…nice…are you sure you’re talking about me?” Carmilla’s attempt at a joke fell flat.

A pained look took hold of Laura’s face as she stood in the opening between rooms. It was almost as if half of her wanted to run right up to Carmilla and toss another dodgeball at her face, while the other half wanted to run back to bed and cry it all out.

“Why are you doing this to me?” She asked sincerely. “Did you come back here just to torture me? Do you get off on seeing me like this?”

“Of course not.” The mere accusation that Carmilla enjoyed seeing Laura be hurt left a prickling sensation in her eyes. Carmilla wasn’t a crier, just the thought of allowing someone to see her cry made her want to run for the hills, but she’d rather ball her eyes out on a stage than have Laura thinking of her that way.

Releasing her hold on the curtain, Laura boldly marched up to Carmilla and pointed an angry finger at her. “You had no right to come back here after all these years just to be a good person who’s patient and kind and endearing…and all while looking like…like a…like some _gothic Greek goddess_ or whatever. It’s not fair! All I want to do is hate you…”

“Are you sure?” Carmilla asked quietly as Laura trailed off. She took a small step forward to make them even closer, purposefully causing Laura’s pointed finger to brush against her just below her collar bone. “Are you _sure_ that’s all you want to do?”

“I…I’m…I mean…I…” Laura stumbled over her words as her eyes sent the briefest of glances to Carmilla’s lips. She swallowed hard as Carmilla subconsciously leaned in a little closer.

The room grew hot as they stood there, close together and staring into each other’s eyes.

Though Carmilla didn’t want the tension to end, she knew that whatever was happening could go no further. Laura wasn’t ready to forgive her yet, and doing anything in the heat of the moment would only complicate things. So, in a grand show of willpower, Carmilla took a step back.

It was difficult to tell which of them was more surprised.

“We should talk sometime.” Carmilla told her. “We can do it whenever you’re ready.”

Hastily, Carmilla fled the cabin without waiting to see what Laura would say back to her.

\--

After the sun had set, Camp Silas kicked off its first movie night of the summer. All of the campers were gathered on the grassy field facing a projector screen where an animated film was playing. The popcorn was out, the kids were laughing, and, best of all, the counselors could sneak away without drawing attention to themselves.

At the whispered request of Kirsch, Mel, and Theo, Carmilla slipped away from the movie and followed them into the woods.

“Where are we going?” Carmilla asked once they were far enough away that their voices wouldn’t carry back to the field.   

“To have some fun, vampire girl.” Theo answered like it was obvious.

“I can’t see shit out here.” Mel complained as their little group hiked the trail in the dark.

“We’re almost there.” Kirsch promised from up ahead.

True to his word, Kirsch led the others into a small clearing beside a running creek where a handful of other counselors were already gathered. The waxing moon above provided some light to the area, but not enough to distinguish faces. Luckily, someone had thought ahead to hang a small camping lantern from a nearby tree. Kirsch fiddled with the brightness until everyone could be seen in the dark.

“What’s _she_ doing here?” The unmistakable harsh voice of Lola Perry filled the creekside with tension. Both the newcomers and the ones who had arrived early looked equally uncomfortable. Perry stood from a folding chair and defiantly crossed her arms. “Who invited her?”

“I did.” Kirsch answered, confused as to why Perry was being so hostile. “You guys should give her a chance, she’s pretty cool.”

“Ha!” Perry forced a laugh. “If you really knew her you wouldn’t be saying that.”

Theo breezed into the clearing and picked up a beer from the open ice chest. Cracking it open, he said, “Five years seems like a long time to hold a grudge, Pear-Pear.”

Coming to Perry’s defense, LaFontaine shifted in their chair and said to Theo, “You don’t even know what she did.”

“You’re right.” He allowed. “But I don’t care. And neither should you. For fuck’s sake, move on. You’re all acting like a bunch of whiny children.”

From behind Carmilla, Mel, and Kirsch, two more counselors arrived at the creek from the trail.

“Woah.” Danny smiled as she looked around at everyone. “What’d we miss?”

Perry threw up her hands in exasperation. Quickly, she addressed the elephant in the clearing. “Laura, I’m so sorry. When we planned this, I wasn’t expecting _her_ to hear about it.”

Stepping out of Danny’s shadow, Laura glanced to Carmilla. Brushing it off, she said, “It’s fine. I spend all day with her anyway. Another two hours won’t kill me.”

With Laura’s blessing, the others finally relaxed. Kirsch, Mel, and Danny properly entered the clearing, all three heading straight for the ice chest; LaFontaine and Perry resumed whatever trivial conversation they’d been having; and the tension seemed to dissipate from the air.

Keeping her words quiet, Carmilla turned to Laura and said, “Thank you. You didn’t have to let me stay.”

Laura stuck her hands into her back pockets and shrugged her shoulders. “Pretending that you’re not here isn’t working out the way I thought it would. It’s time for me to use a new strategy.”

“And what’s that?”

“I accepted that you’re here, and that there’s nothing I can do about you being here, and doing that just made me realize that I don’t actually care that you’re here.” She said, noticeably trying just a bit too hard to appear relaxed. “Sure, I may have had a rough start with this, but I’m good now. Everything that I was feeling was just unresolved stuff that I needed to get out. I am A-Okay. I’m cool with the situation. It doesn’t bother me one bit that you’re here. Because I’m over you. I’ve _been_ over you. For a long time. A _really_ long time. And now that I’ve vented everything, you being here doesn’t affect me.”

Recalling their interaction in the cabin that afternoon, Carmilla felt unconvinced at Laura’s sudden turn around.

“Do you really believe all that?” Carmilla asked. “Because I don’t.”

A glint of irritation flashed in Laura’s eyes, but she stifled it. Keeping up the cheery act, she replied, “I’m not going to pretend that you don’t exist, but that doesn’t mean I have to stand around listening to your mind games either. We’re not friends. We’re coworkers. Remember that.”

“Yesterday you said that you didn’t even want to look at me.” What Carmilla was trying to prove, she wasn’t sure. Having Laura speak to her without anger or heartbreak in her voice was an amazing change of pace, but the fakeness of this cheery replacement left Carmilla feeling sick to her stomach.

“That was yesterday.” She waved away the concern. “I wasn’t thinking clearly. I was…overly emotional. If I’d been warned ahead of time that you were coming, things could’ve gone differently. I was surprised to see you, that’s all. I’m fine now.”

“You’re not fine, Laura.” Carmilla knew that a few sets of eyes were starting to drift over to them but she felt that she owed it to Laura to speak the truth. “The things you said yesterday, they don’t just go away because you’re tired of feeling them. This act that you’re putting on isn’t fooling anyone. And I’d rather have you screaming at me and telling me how you really feel than have you bottle everything up inside.”

Laura’s jaw clenched and unclenched repeatedly as she tried to contain herself. After a few moments, she said, “Well, we don’t always get what we want, do we? Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go have fun with my friends. And though you’re _not_ my friend, you’re welcome to join us.”

“Thanks. I will.” Carmilla said the words a touch too harshly but it was still nicer than anything she would’ve said had there not been an audience close by.

“Cool.” Laura forced a smile as she turned to their peers. “So who’s ready for a game of truth or dare?”


	3. Hot Summer Night

“Absolutely not.” Perry huffed, squirming uncomfortably in her chair. “I am not licking _anything_ off _anyone_.”

“Buzzkill.” Mel muttered for only Carmilla and Theo to hear. Louder, she said, “Alright, you owe me a truth then. Out of everyone here, which one of us do you want to fuck the most?”

Perry gasped. “Is that sort of language really necessary?”

“Quit stalling…” Mel gestured to the circle of counselors. “And tell us who you want to bang.”

Perry nervously fidgeted with her hands. Abruptly, she sat up straight and smiled.

“Myself.” She answered triumphantly. “Out of everyone here, I choose myself.”

The creekside erupted with groans from the group, with the exception of LaFontaine who congratulated Perry on successfully outsmarting the question.

Jokingly, Mel replied, “Go _fuck yourself_ then.”

A moment of laughter took hold of the counselors before all eyes expectantly settled on Theo. They’d come full circle, with everyone dishing out and taking at least one truth or dare thus far. The first round had been fairly tame. Carmilla only had to smell Kirsch’s unreasonably repulsive foot odor, while Laura revealed that the last person she had a sex dream about was Lois Lane, and, in what was undeniably the most exciting moment of the game thus far, Danny destroyed LaFontaine and a girl named Sarah Jane in a beer shotgunning race.

The game, however, could only get harder from here. And with a self-proclaimed fearless daredevil like Theo setting the pace, there was no guessing as to just how personal and outrageous the next round would become.

“Carmilla.” He singled her out with a grin. “Truth or dare?”

Fearing that Theo’s mischievous nature would result in a dare gone too far, Carmilla opted for the safer route and said, “Truth.”

As if expecting that outcome, he pointed to Laura and asked, “What really went down between you two?”

The creekside fell quiet, with only streaming water and the hoot of a nearby owl to fill the space.

“ _Theo_.” Kirsch’s attempt at a whisper failed miserably. “Dude, that’s like…not cool.”

Danny cleared her throat. “It’s inappropriate, is what Kirsch means.”

Theo played innocent. “I’m just curious. And as much as the rest of you talk about them behind their backs, I would’ve thought you’d all be dying to hear the whole story.”

“It’s not that great of a story.” Carmilla’s voice silenced the argument and drew all eyes on her, including Laura’s. “I met a girl, I fell in love, and then I left.”

“Try telling us something we don’t already know.” Theo suggested.

“What do you want me to say?” Carmilla questioned, starting to feel the burn of her spotlight.

“The truth!” Theo laughed. “I want you to put all those nasty rumors to rest and give us the real story of what happened five years ago.”

Surprising everyone, Laura jumped in and said, “I’ll tell you what happened.”

Adrenaline rushed through Carmilla as she sat perfectly still and waited to hear what Laura would say next.

“She broke my heart.” Laura calmly explained. “We had the best summer ever together, and at the end she promised me that we could keep it going long distance. She said we’d reunite the next summer and do it all over again. Then she said that she loved me.” Laura had to pause to keep herself composed. “But it was all a bunch of lies. I never heard from her again. Not until she showed up out of the blue yesterday.”

Theo turned back to Carmilla to ask, “So why’d you ghost her?”

“You got your truth.” Carmilla’s voice was hardly above a whisper. “Your turn is over.”

Theo yielded without protest, allowing the game to move on.

“Since I’m the one who answered, I do believe that means it’s my turn.” Laura took a moment to gulp down what was left in her can. Finished, she turned to Danny and prompted, “Truth or dare?”

Danny let out a sigh of relief that the tension had passed before she decided, “Dare.”

“I dare you to kiss me.” Laura demanded. The group of counselors cheered and hollered their approval, with some even turning their chairs to get a better look at the show.

Though it was obvious that Laura was only trying to prove that she didn’t care about Carmilla being there, that didn’t stop Carmilla from falling right into the trap. As she watched Danny and Laura scoot closer to each other on the grass, she felt jealous. When Danny cupped Laura’s cheeks and gave her a long kiss on the lips, Carmilla felt angry. And when Laura pulled Danny back for a second kiss, Carmilla felt pure misery suffocating the very life out of her. She tried to push her feelings away, but it was pointless. There was no denying the truth. Everything that Carmilla had ever felt for Laura still lived deep within her, and like a phoenix rising from the ashes those feelings burned back to life with a ferocious passion.

Luckily for Carmilla’s emotional stability, the game carried on rather quickly after that, with Danny daring LaFontaine to give Perry the world’s most awkward lap dance. That embarrassment was followed by LaFontaine daring Kirsch to streak through the creek. The boy managed to splash his way completely across the water and back without losing his sense of humor.

“That was so cold!” He shouted as he stood before them, shivering and naked, with only his hands to cover himself.

“I bet it was.” The unexpected voice from behind had everyone whirling around to see a very displeased Mattie Belmonde at the trail’s edge. Putting on her most intimidating demeanor, she said, “I’ll need everyone to come to my office. _Now_.”

\--

It was well after one in the morning by the time Carmilla was finally able to head back to Cabin 3. Her body ached from the night’s activities and she yearned for the comfort of her bed. All she wanted to do was curl up beneath the sheet and give her feet a much needed break.

“Why did you do it?”

Carmilla nearly jumped out of her skin at the sound of Laura’s voice. She halted in her tracks, just before the stairs to Cabin 3, and searched the dark for her fellow counselor. Laura sat on the top step with her elbow on her thigh and her chin resting atop her palm.

“Why’d you take the blame?” Laura asked. Clearly the question had been eating away at the girl, making it impossible for her to sleep until she had an answer.

Making sure to keep her voice down, Carmilla said, “Because I wanted to. And if anyone was going to get fired over a few beers, I thought it should be the person that most of you didn’t want there in the first place.”

Laura bit her bottom lip as she pondered her next question.

Finally, she asked, “Did Mattie fire you?”

“No.” Carmilla tucked her hands into her pockets and idly kicked at the ground with the toe of her shoe. “She gave me a formal warning and put me on cleanup duty. Took me an hour just to pick up all the trash off the field. Then I had to go check around the lake where the kids went swimming. I probably found at least fifty of those bracelets they made at Crafts.”

Laura checked over her shoulder to ensure that no wandering campers were nearby to hear her before she replied, “You didn’t have to say you were the one who brought the alcohol. You didn’t even drink any of it.”

Carmilla shrugged. “Consider it a ‘thank you’ for letting me hang out with you and your friends.”

Laura’s stare cut into Carmilla life a sharp blade. It wasn’t full of menace like the first day, nor full of fake cheer like earlier in the night. This time she looked empty. Like she was drained of energy, drained of feeling. Just completely over it all.

“I want to keep playing.” Laura announced, remaining expressionless. “Truth or dare?”

“I’m tired.”

“Truth or dare?”

Carmilla crossed her arms. “I want to go to bed.”

“Truth or dare?” She repeated forcefully.

“Truth.” Carmilla sighed. Whatever Laura was up to, it was better to get on with it than to fight her all night.

“Did you ever love me?” Laura asked, never taking her eyes off Carmilla.

“Yes.” Carmilla admitted.

“Truth or dare?” She prompted again.

“Truth.”

“Were you always planning to leave me hanging when the summer ended?” 

“Of course not.” Carmilla didn’t have to think twice about that answer.

“Then why did you do it?” Laura asked, skipping the truth or dare altogether. “You said that you would explain everything to me and hold nothing back. Well, I want to know _everything_. I want to know why you didn’t have the guts to send a single stupid text saying you were done with me.”

“Because I wasn’t done with you.” Carmilla blurted out heatedly. She hated to complain about her misfortunes, but if Laura wanted to hear it all then that was exactly what she was going to get. After taking a deep breath to calm herself, Carmilla explained, “I lost everything that I ever cared about after that summer. When I got home, I found out that my half-brother had died while I was away. Killed in a car wreck. My mother didn’t even care enough to call and tell me. And when I blew up at her about it, she kicked me out because her boyfriend of the month didn’t like all of the _drama_. I had to go live on my friend’s couch. I had to sell my phone, my computer, all of it, because I had to eat and I had to get around and I had to save up for a place of my own. I had to drop out of school, I’ve been fired from every job that I’ve ever had, some asshole stole the piece of shit car I spent months saving up for, and last month I got evicted because I couldn’t make rent. I was sleeping at a shelter for women when I saw the ‘help wanted’ ad for Camp Silas. I didn’t expect Mattie to pick up the phone when I called, and I _never_ thought for a second that you would still be working summers at this place. But I really should’ve known that you’d be here because it’s not like anything ever works out for me. It’s been five fucking years and I’m still struggling to get by.”

The air shifted between them. All the animosity and contempt that Laura had been harboring were suddenly gone, replaced instead by something entirely unrecognizable. The clear change in Laura's demeanor left Carmilla feeling more hopeful than she would've liked to admit.

Laura was quiet for a few moments before she said, “I could’ve helped you. Why didn’t you ever try to contact me? I could've been there for you."

“I was too embarrassed." Carmilla confessed. "You were the perfect girl who had everything going for her. I was a homeless dropout. A fuckup with no job and nothing to offer you. I didn’t want to see the way you’d look at me. I didn’t want what we had to end."

“Do you really think I’m that shallow?” She asked, offended.

“I was a stupid kid.” Carmilla defended. “And after I lost everything…our summer was the only good thing I had to hold on to.”

“What about the girl from the picture? The one at that Halloween party?” Laura asked, keeping her emotions hard to read.

“I don’t even remember going to a Halloween party.” Carmilla answered honestly. “Whoever you saw in the picture didn’t matter to me. I’ve never cared about anyone the way I cared about you. You’re the only girl that I’ve ever loved.”

Abruptly, Laura stood and said, “Thank you for explaining things to me.”

“Does this mean you forgive me?” Carmilla hated how hopeful she sounded, but it was a question she couldn’t go back into the cabin without asking.

Laura hesitated, but eventually answered, “I don’t know.”

“I’ll respect whatever you want.” Carmilla offered.

“I don’t know what I want.” Laura replied softly. “I just feel…really confused right now.”

“It’s late.” Carmilla noted. “We can talk about this later, after you’ve had time to think about it.”

“Let’s just start over.” Laura suggested, still sounding a little unsure of herself. “We can give each other a clean slate and start fresh.”

“Okay.” It wasn’t a perfect solution, but it was better than anything Carmilla had dared to hope for.

“But that doesn’t mean anything will happen between us.” Laura was quick to clarify.

“Okay.” Carmilla agreed with a nod.

“And it doesn’t mean that I won’t change my mind later.” She added.

Again, Carmilla replied, “Okay.”

“And this still doesn’t mean we’re friends.”

“Okay.”

“And—”

“Laura.” Carmilla pleaded. “We have all summer for you to tell me the things this doesn’t mean.”

“Okay. Let’s go to bed.” Laura said, growing a bit flustered at her word choice. “Separately. Let’s go sleep in our own _separate_ beds.”

“Lead the way.” Carmilla replied. She waited until after Laura had slipped into the cabin before letting out the smile she'd been holding back.


	4. Moonrise

Compared to the first two days, the rest of the week went on without much entertainment. Carmilla’s coworkers lost interest in staring at her, Mattie cooled off after the beer in the woods incident, and the young campers of Cabin 3 remained surprisingly respectful of the rules. Even interactions with Laura were uneventful now that the two of them had adjusted to their new amicable acquaintanceship—Laura’s words, not hers.

Though things were going rather smoothly for her, it was hard for Carmilla to pretend like she didn’t have unrequited feelings for Laura, especially when she was so often left questioning the legitimacy of the ‘unrequited’ aspect of the situation. There were times when Carmilla would catch Laura staring, and times when Laura would hand Carmilla a clipboard but let her fingers brush against the back of Carmilla’s hand for a moment too long, and times when Laura’s mask of cordiality looked as if it was cracking beneath the pressure.

And then there was the Danny thing. Carmilla had to admit that her absurdly annoying rival had done a lot of maturing during Carmilla’s five year absence, but Danny was nonetheless still a major pain in her ass. Danny was constantly scrutinizing Carmilla’s every move. Always watching and waiting for Carmilla to make a mistake. Her skepticism alone was enough to irk Carmilla, but the real kicker was that Laura seemed determined to spend as much time with the redhead as possible. Laura sat with Danny at mealtimes, visited her during free hours, and, much like today, always insisted that she and Carmilla team up their Cabin 3 girls with Danny and Mel’s Cabin 5 girls during group games.

“You look like you hate this.” Mel observed as she and Carmilla took refuge from the sun beneath the shade of a tree.

“No idea what you’re talking about.” Carmilla replied flatly, making no effort to hide her scowl. She stood with her shoulder pressed into the tree and her gaze trained solely on Laura and Danny across the busy field. The pair were all giggles and smiles, much to Carmilla’s displeasure.

“Stop staring at them.” Mel urged. “You’re just giving them what they want. Watch the game. Our girls are actually winning at flag football for a change.”

“How do you know what they want?” Carmilla questioned.

Mel rolled her eyes. “I spend all day with Danny, remember? We talk.”

Carmilla’s attention shifted from the flirtation between Danny and Laura to the counselor standing right beside her. Curiously, she asked, “Well, what does the great and wise Danny Lawrence have to say?”

“A lot.” Mel grinned. “She’s a big talker. I’ve heard all about how she likes shitty action movies, about her dumb sorority, about her exes, about what she likes to eat for breakfast…but you know what I never hear her talk about? _Laura_. Not once. I’m with her every day, all the time, and Laura has never come up in conversation.”

“So?” Carmilla prompted. “Maybe she just doesn’t want to talk about her to you.”

“She’s talked about _you_ to me.” Mel revealed. “Quite a bit, too. She thinks you’re an asshole for hurting Laura, she hates that you’re back at camp, and she said something about how she offered to make a fresh start with you but that you’re, uh—how did it go—that you’re too far up your own ass to see what’s good for you. Yeah, something like that. Look, I really don’t think Danny is trying to get with Laura. I think she’s just reciprocating whatever kind of attention Laura’s throwing at her. But, hey, you’re right. Just because she doesn’t talk to me about Laura doesn’t mean they aren’t fucking.”

The very thought of Danny touching Laura made Carmilla’s blood boil.

“They can do whatever they want.” Carmilla muttered tensely. “I don’t care.”

Mel laughed, entirely unconvinced. “Well, here’s a tip then: if you don’t care, don’t stare.”

\--

Carmilla stood by the cabin door, grumpily watching through the screen as Laura and Danny continued their day-long chat outside beneath the harsh light of the setting sun. Though Carmilla had tried to take Mel’s advice to avoid staring at them, she’d failed at just about every turn. She tried to justify her lack of willpower the best she could, telling herself that it was hard for anyone to look away from a train wreck, that the eye was naturally drawn to scenes of disaster, that feeling compelled to watch a tragedy unfold was just human nature. They were all excuses, of course, but they were real enough to keep her from looking away.

“Carmilla?”

She groaned internally before prying her eyes off the duo outside and turning to face the camper who had addressed her. Putting on the least threatening voice she could muster, she asked, “Yeah?”

The pigtailed girl, Mary—possibly, Carmilla was still a little iffy on their names—checked around to make sure that none of the other campers were listening. Quietly, she said, “Remember last week when I told you about Chet Harrington and the…you know, the things he was saying about me?”

“Yeah, of course.” Carmilla had no memory of this.

“He was doing it again at dinner. He made fun of how much food I had on my tray.” She looked down at her hands. “I was just wondering…you said that you’d yell at him for me…”

“Oh!” It clicked. “Yes, of course, I remember. Chet Harrington. With the swimming stuff. Yeah.”

“Can you still do it?” She asked hopefully. “Can you still yell at him?”

“Well, I said I’d make him cry, didn’t I?” Carmilla gave the camper a playful nudge with her elbow. “So let’s do more than just yell at him.” She turned to face the rest of the cabin, gaining the girls’ attentions as she raised her hands toward the roof. “Hey! Who here wants to humiliate a boy?”

The girls cheered, and Carmilla smiled at the devious response.

\--

Night had fallen by the time Cabin 3 was organized, armed, and on the move. The girls, led by Carmilla, descended the steps with caution. If a single boy from the next cabin over caught wind of their plan, the whole operation would be ruined.

“What’s all this?” Laura asked as the girls stepped into formation on the grass.

“What’s what?” Carmilla asked her innocently, ignoring Danny’s presence. “We’re just, uh, going out for a stroll.”

Laura looked at Carmilla, then to the giggling girls, then back to Carmilla. “You’re going for a stroll with water balloons?”

Carefully, Danny began to inch her way backwards.

“Relax, Big Red.” Carmilla dismissed. “You’re not the target.”

“You can never be too careful at Camp Silas when water balloons are involved.” Danny replied, aware that the campers were watching them.

Carmilla clicked her tongue and said, “Right. Well, we’ll just be going now. You two enjoy your chat.”

“Hey, wait! I want in.” Laura rushed to Carmilla’s side when she tried to leave. “What’s the plan? Who’s our mark? Please say it’s Cabin 2.”

Feeling a bit victorious, Carmilla smirked as she turned back to Danny and said, “See you around.”

“Yeah. Sure.” Danny mumbled over her shoulder, already walking back to her own cabin.

“Fill me in.” Laura addressed their girls as well as Carmilla.

Carmilla tossed a water balloon of her own between her hands as she asked, “You ever heard of some twerp named Chet Harrington?”

Laura thought about it for a moment. “Is that the one who always wears a baseball cap with a fish on it?”

The campers nodded, and Carmilla made a mental note of that valuable information.

“What’s he getting the water balloon treatment for?” Laura asked excitedly.

Carmilla glanced to Mary, whose pigtails trembled as she shook her head, silently begging Carmilla not to tell everyone. Facing Laura, Carmilla gestured with a nod of her head for the two counselors to speak privately off to the side.

“Girls, I’m going to fill Laura in on our game plan. Hang tight.” Carmilla announced before she walked Laura a few yards away. Keeping her voice low, she whispered, “So this little shit stain of a boy has been spewing some fat jokes about Mary, but she doesn’t want the other girls to know.”

“So what did you tell them to get everyone in on it?” Laura wondered.

Carmilla shrugged. “All I had to say was that we’re going to make a mean boy cry.”

Laura laughed. The sound made Carmilla’s knees feel weak.

“Wow.” Laura’s smile lit up her face. “That’s really all it takes?”

“Really.” Carmilla couldn’t contain a smile of her own.

“Alright.” Laura proudly surveyed their armed warriors. “Let’s go make a mean boy cry.”

\--

Pinching the bridge of her nose, Mattie let out a long, tired sigh. She held that position of disbelief for a moment before she clasped her hands together on her desk and looked at the two soaking wet counselors standing in the middle of her office. Carmilla withstood Mattie’s look of a disappoint with ease—she was used to seeing that look from her various other employers over the years—while Kirsch fidgeted nervously beneath Mattie’s gaze.

“Tell me again…” Mattie paused to look each of them in the eyes. “ _One_ at a time…exactly what happened?”

“They ambushed us!” Kirsch exclaimed, sprinkling water throughout the room as he threw up his arms in exasperation. “One second, I’m just chilling out and talking to my dudes about video games, and the next thing I know there’s a bunch of girls running in through the door, all screaming and chucking water balloons at anyone in the line of fire. It was a warzone!”

“Quit whining.” Carmilla muttered. Mattie shot her a warning glare, but Carmilla wasn’t bothered. Mattie could try to scare her all she wanted, but Carmilla had never been one to blindly follow authority figures and she wasn’t about to start now.

Kirsch puffed out his chest, really getting worked up now. “The beds are soaked, the floor is slippery, some of the boys even had phones that got wet! It’s like a safety hazard, or whatever.”

Carmilla folded her arms across her chest, resisting the urge to shiver as the air conditioning hit her wet clothes. “It’s not that big of a deal. No one’s phone got wrecked. No one fell. No one got hurt.”

“You made Chet cry!” Kirsch shouted back. He directed his words to Mattie as he said, “She hit Chet with a lemonade balloon to the pants and then told everyone that he peed himself. And then she got all the girls to laugh at him and call him Piss-Wet Chet. He’s going to be stuck with that name for the rest of the summer!”

“Hey. He hurt one of my girls first.” Carmilla cut in. “Maybe if little Piss-Wet Chet had kept his fat-shaming comments to himself, all of this could’ve been avoided.”

“He’s fourteen.” Kirsch defended. “He’s just immature. Boys his age say stupid stuff all the time.”

“That’s no excuse!”

“Uh, yeah, it is!”

“No, it’s not!”

“That’s enough.” Mattie ordered calmly. She waited until the two counselors had quieted down before continuing. “I’ll write this up as a minor incident.  I want the girls of Cabin 3 to apologize to the boys of Cabin 2. Tomorrow, I will personally speak with Chet about his behavior.” She gave a stern look to Kirsch. “And I expect that there will be absolutely no retaliation of any kind from Cabin 2. Have I made myself clear?”

“Very clear.” Kirsch mumbled, obviously disappointed that there could be no revenge attack.

“You’re dismissed.” Mattie announced. Just as Carmilla turned with Kirsch to leave, Mattie waved her back. “Not you.”

“Yeah?” Carmilla acknowledged as Kirsch quickly fled the office.

Mattie shook her head and let out a dry laugh. After a few moments of purposefully leaving Carmilla guessing, she asked, “Are you just determined to get fired from this job?”

“No.” Carmilla swallowed hard, her eyes falling to the linoleum.

“This is strike number two.” Mattie warned her. “I can’t give you special treatment when people’s children are involved. Really, how can I trust you to watch a bunch of kids if you can’t even act like a responsible adult?”

“I’m sorry.” She lied.

“It better not happen again.”

“It won’t.”

Mattie sighed as she leaned back in her chair. “Maybe hiring you was a mistake.”

Carmilla tried to pretend like that didn’t hurt. “I’ll do better.”

Mattie nodded. “Yes, you will. You have to.”

“Can I go now?”

Mattie glanced to the calendar on her wall. Carefully, she asked, “Do you know what day it is?”

“Yes.” How could she ever forget?

The switch from boss to friend was evident in Mattie’s tone as she asked, “Are you going down to the lake tonight?”

Carmilla shrugged. “Don’t know. Am I allowed to?”

Mattie chuckled at that. “Counselors are allowed to do whatever they want during their downtime—within reason, of course. As long as your campers are in bed by curfew, I don’t see why you can’t slip out for an hour or two.”

“If one of the girls isn’t in her bed when I get back, does that mean I’m on the next bus out of here?” Carmilla questioned, almost looking for a reason to stay at the cabin and avoid the pressure that the night would otherwise bring.

“No.” Mattie answered without giving it much thought. “Not as long as you find her and get her back where she’s supposed to be before her absence reaches my desk.”

“Oh, great.” Carmilla groaned. “So just the world’s suckiest game of hide and seek? No problem. It’s not like we’re in the middle of a forest, miles away from civilization, or anything like that. No pressure at all.”

“I always did love your sense of humor.” She paused. “Did you really call that boy Piss-Wet Chet?”

Carmilla grinned. “It was either that or Pissbaby Chet. I thought it sounded better with the rhyme.”

“Hmm, yes. It does sound better.” Mattie agreed. She stood and began directing Carmilla out of the office as she added, “Come on. It’s time we went our separate ways. You should have an interesting night ahead of you; you’ll need some time to clean up and prepare.”

\--

The lake was nice and calm beneath the full moon. It was warm out, but not hot. Humid, but not damp. Quiet, but not creepily so. Frogs and cicadas filled the night air with a constant hum of life, while the occasional fish or drifting bird splashed at the water’s surface. Even the smell of the lake wasn’t anything to complain about. It was all very peaceful, very soothing. The scene filled Carmilla with vivid memories from her perfect summer, with one particular memory that she hoped to relive. It was during the full moon at this lake five years ago where she and Laura had their first kiss.

The moon was full, the lake was just as she remembered it, and now all that remained to be seen was the person who she so desperately hoped would show.

But the longer Carmilla sat at the end of the dock waiting, the more uncertain she grew. Had Laura spotted her and run? Had the girl even bothered to venture down to the lake at all? Or perhaps Mattie had lied, and Laura never made the swim on her own at all. Or maybe Laura and Danny were sitting behind a bush somewhere nearby, pointing and laughing at Carmilla’s stupidity.

Defeated, Carmilla pushed herself to her feet. She took one last look up at the moon, and turned to leave. She stopped as something unexpected caught her eye. Halfway down the dock, standing with her hands in her pockets, looking even more beautiful than did she did five years ago, was Laura.

“You came.” Carmilla was surprised to hear how small her voice was.

“You remembered.” Laura said, keeping herself hard to read.

“Of course I did.” Carmilla replied carefully. “I told you five years ago that I’d race you to the floating dock every full moon. This is the first time that I actually get to keep that promise.”

“That’s not how promises work. You can’t just pick and choose when you want to keep them. You either keep them, or you break them.” Laura had more to say, but she held it in. She walked to the end of the dock beside Carmilla, and, after a few pensive moments, she added, “I didn’t come here to fight with you.”

“Better out than in, I always say.” Carmilla commented slyly.

Laura rolled her eyes but couldn’t hold back her smile. “You know I hate it when you quote Shrek movies at me.”

“I know.” Carmilla nodded. “That’s why I do it.”

Laura’s smile fell as she glanced over to her. “This is all so…déjà vu. It’s like history is repeating itself. We’re standing on the dock under a full moon…you’re annoying me on purpose…”

“Yeah, I know the feeling.” Carmilla looked out over the water. “Except, you know, if history really was about to repeat itself, this is the part where you would—“

Before Carmilla could even speak the words, they came true. The world rushed by her as two tiny gay hands shoved against her shoulder and sent her tumbling into the lake. After a loud splash, and even louder laughter from Laura, Carmilla emerged at the surface.

Laura clutched at the dock’s edge to steady herself as she crouched down closer to the Carmilla. Still laughing, she said, “How’s the water?”

“Why don’t you jump in and find out?” Carmilla asked as she kicked her legs to keep herself afloat.

Laura back away from the edge as Carmilla swam closer. “Oh, no. No! You are not pulling me into that water. These shorts will get ruined.”

Carmilla smirked, and she could tell that Laura already knew what she was going to say before she’d even said it. “I guess you’ll just have to take them off then, won’t you?”

Laura stood perfectly still as what looked like a million thoughts swarmed her mind all at once.

To help speed up the decision making process, Carmilla offered, “Whatever you take off, I’ll take off. It’s only fair. You know, equality and all that.”

Eventually, Laura agreed and said, “Fine. But you have to turn around.”

Carmilla hastily paddled herself to face away from the dock. Her heart pounded in her chest as she listened to the sounds of Laura undressing behind her. The unzip of her shorts, the sound of them hitting the dock, and all the lustful feelings it gave Carmilla took her right back to that first full moon swim.

Abruptly, Laura dove into the water, splashing Carmilla as she went. After surfacing, Laura pointed to the dock and ordered, “Shorts and shirt.”

Carmilla complied, doing her best to keep her head above water as she stripped her shorts and her uniform shirt from her body. With the water weighing down the articles of clothing, she had a hard time throwing them back up to the dock, but eventually she heard a satisfying plop against the wood.

“Race you!” Laura aimed a quick splash in Carmilla’s direction before she took off at high speed toward the floating dock at the center of Lake Hailstorm.

Carmilla chased after her, but made no attempts to actually pass her. This was a race that Laura had won five years prior, and it was a race she needed to win again now. If history really was going to repeat itself tonight, Laura’s win would be a pivotal catalyst for the kiss to come.

“I won! You lost.” Laura teased with a smile, breathing heavy from her effort.

“Yeah, you beat me.” Carmilla acknowledged as she reached up to the ladder on the side of the floating dock and held on to it. Channeling the suavity of her sixteen-year-old self, she asked, “What do you want for winning?”

“I know what you’re up to.” Laura splashed her in the face, still smiling though noticeably less bright. “And it’s not going to work.”

“You won.” Carmilla replied, feigning innocence. “You deserve a prize for your grand show of athleticism.”

Laura swam closer, close enough to make Carmilla’s heart skip a beat, and said, “Don’t let the nostalgia fool you. I’m not interested in you like that anymore.”

Grabbing onto the ladder, Laura hoisted herself out of the water and climbed up to the dock. Carmilla blatantly stared as Laura rung out her hair, as water fell down her body, as she stood there bathed in moonlight wearing only her mismatched bra and underwear.

“Are you coming up or are you just going to stay there and overflow the lake with your drool?” Laura joked, turning her back to the ladder so that she could look up at the stars.

Carmilla took a deep breath before climbing the ladder and joining Laura atop the dock. The wind hit her wet skin and sent a chill running down her spine, and the sight of Laura up close left her breathless, but Carmilla wasn’t about to let Laura see her be anything but cool, calm, and collected. She put on her best confident mask and waited for Laura to direct the conversation.

But Laura said nothing. Instead, she sat down on the wood and reclined to her back to get a better view of the night sky. Carmilla followed her lead, though she was a little more content with gazing at Laura than she was with gazing at the stars. After a few moments, Carmilla chanced a glance over to Laura, who she caught watching Carmilla from the corner of her eye. As they laid there, pretending to look at the sky but only seeing each other, a new expression took hold of Laura’s features, more indecipherable than ever before.

“So did you get in trouble over the water balloon thing?” Laura asked, breaking the brief silence that had fallen between them.

“Strike number two.” Carmilla confimed.

“It’s only the second week of summer and you’re already on strike two?”

“I know.” She sighed. “I’m not very good at following the rules. I told you, I’ve been fired from every job I’ve ever had.”

“You weren’t fired from this one.” Laura pointed out.

“I kind of was though.” Carmilla confessed. “Good ol’ Vordenberg threw a little tantrum on the last week and said I had to pack up and leave. I mean, he changed his mind before I’d even left the building, but I still like to count it. That way I’ve got a full unbroken streak.”

“Why did he want to fire you?”

“It was over that stolen food. Remember? The special camp anniversary creampuffs? The ones some of our girls took for themselves? Well, someone snitched on them. And then Vordenberg wanted me to rat out which ones of them did it, but I wouldn’t tell him.”

Laura propped herself up on her elbow and looked down at Carmilla. Laura looked absolutely stunning with the moonlight shining on her, making it hard for Carmilla to look away from her.

“For someone who tries so hard to act like she doesn’t care about anything, you sure do sacrifice yourself for other people a whole lot.” Laura said seriously.

“What can I say, I’m a deeply flawed individual.” Carmilla brushed it off.

“Or maybe you’re a better person than you want to admit.”

“You weren’t saying things like that a week ago when I first got here.”

Laura stared at her for a beat, then said, “I should’ve let you explain what happened right from the start.”

“It’s okay. I deserved it.” Carmilla assured her. “I even deserved that dodgeball to the face.”

Laura smiled. “Would you believe me if I said that was an accident?”

“No.” Carmilla answered with a smile of her own. “Was it?”

“No.” Laura laughed. “I threw that ball with intent to hurt.”

“Congrats. It hurt.” Carmilla applauded.

“How will you ever forgive me?”

“I’ll just have to find a way.”

Laura bit her bottom lip and she pondered something. Finally, she said, “It’s so weird. We’re such different people now…but somehow things still feel so much the same.”

“Which parts don’t feel the same to you?” Carmilla asked cautiously.

“You know which parts.” Laura answered.

“Do I?”

“You should.”

“Is it because of Danny?” Carmilla didn’t want to ask, but she was tired of avoiding it.

Laura rolled onto her back and said nothing.

“If it is about her…” Carmilla felt an uncomfortable tightness growing in her chest. “Then I’ll respect that.”

Looking up at the stars, Laura quietly admitted, “It’s not about her.”

“Then what’s holding you back?”

Laura sat up, and then pushed herself to her feet. Rather than answer Carmilla’s question, she said, “Race you back to shore.”

Laura dove into the water gracefully. With a disappointed groan, Carmilla lazily rolled her body off the floating dock and followed Laura back to camp with the memory of a first kiss still on her mind.


	5. Storm Clouds

“—and that’s the story of how I almost burned down an entire restaurant.”

“Wow.” Laura had trouble getting words out through her laughter. “I don’t blame them for firing you.”

“I hated that job anyway.” Carmilla said as she kicked a wayward volleyball back toward the playing campers. “I’ve hated just about all of them, actually.”

“What’s the worst job you’ve ever had?” Laura asked, shielding the sun from her eyes as she looked up at Carmilla from her seat on the grass.

“Custodial work.” Carmilla answered with ease. “Nothing makes you hate your life like cleaning toilets all night.”

“How’d you get fired from that one?”

“I kept showing up late.”

“On purpose?” Laura wondered.

“No.” Carmilla sat down on the ground beside her. “I had to take two buses to get from my day job to the cleaning gig. Sometimes the buses ran late. Other times I missed one and had to walk.”

“That must’ve been horrible.” Laura looked as if she wanted to say more, but couldn’t find the words. Instead, she changed the subject. “Which job was your favorite?”

“This one.” Carmilla answered with a cautious glance to Laura.

“Me too.” She admitted. “Well, technically it’s my favorite by default. I’ve had a few internships, but this is the only paid job that I’ve ever had.”

“Internships for what?”

Laura leaned back on her hands and stretched out her legs on the grass she began to list, “Secretarial work for the senior editor of my hometown’s newspaper; fact checker for my favorite university professor’s brother’s online magazine—and at that one there was a pretty big sex scandal between three of the staff writers so I actually had an article that I wrote get published while two of them were away getting divorced; and then this past year I was a research assistant for my local news station.”

“And none of those jobs ever paid you?” Carmilla asked, confused.

“Well, I got paid for the ‘Honeybee: Friend not Foe’ article I wrote, but not for the rest of it, no.”

“Why put in all that work if they won’t even pay you for it?”

“To get my foot in the door.” She explained. “To meet people. Make connections. Network. To get experience. To explore different fields of journalism. To learn. It’s all part of the big plan.”

“To be a big time television news anchor?” Carmilla inquired.

“Yeah.” Laura said, clearly touched that after all this time Carmilla still remembered. “Well, not necessarily television anymore. The internet is the future. More and more people are ditching traditional media for online content every day.”

“So you’ll be a news anchor on the computer who knows a lot about bees? Didn’t think you’d ever be able to out-nerd yourself, but I stand corrected.” Carmilla teased.

“Bees are very important to our ecosystem.” Laura defended with a smile. Sitting up straight, she lightly smacked Carmilla’s arm with the back of her hand and added, “Don’t diss the bees!”

Carmilla faked a wince and rubbed at the painless spot on her arm that Laura had struck. “Ouch. Geez, there’s no need to get violent.”

“Quit being a baby. I barely touched you.”

“Could it be…” Carmilla slowly stretched and twisted her arm, as if carefully testing it.

“Here we go.” Laura said with a dramatic roll of her eyes.

“Yep.” She sighed. “It’s just as I feared. Broken. Completely shattered by the looks of it. This arm will have to be amputated if I want to survive.”

“Oh no.” Laura played along. “How unfortunate. And that arm was your favorite limb, too. So sad. So terrible how these things happen.”

“I’ll never be the same.” Carmilla raised her chin. “But I will prevail. I will remain brave during these times of hardship.”

“Should I arrange a funeral for the arm?” Laura asked, trying to keep her smile from spreading as she feigned concern.

“Yes, I think my arm would like that. Oh, wait, what’s this?” Carmilla pretended to receive a phone call, using her hand as the prop. “Hello? Doctor? What’s that? You say…you say my arm can be fixed? You say there’s a way I can keep it? Oh, that’s just terrific news, doctor.”

“What’s the doctor saying?” Laura whispered, so as not to disturb the very real phone call happening.

“There’s a chance the arm can be saved.” Carmilla dropped her hand and turned to Laura. “But I’ll need your help.”

“Anything for the arm.” Laura promised.

Gravely, Carmilla said, “You have to kiss it and make it better.”

“For your arm, I will make this great sacrifice.” Laura laughed. She reached over to grab ahold of Carmilla’s arm with her hands before swiftly leaning down to place a soft kiss just below her sleeve.

To say that Carmilla was left with butterflies would be an understatement.

“Thank you for your heroism.” Carmilla replied once Laura had let go of her arm.

Noticing the shift in the air between them, Laura cleared her throat and said, “Of course. It was the least I could do. And, you know, now you’ll think twice before you talk ill of the majestic honeybee.”

“I most certainly will.” Carmilla nodded, but had to look away. Being on good terms with Laura was an exceptionally bittersweet feeling for her. She loved being able to talk to her, to get to know Laura all over again, but it came with a hefty price. The more time they spent together, the more her old feelings began to resurface. Of course, they’d been there all along—she’d felt their presence from the moment she’d first seen Laura in the cabin, but now Carmilla had no way to run from them. No way to stifle them. The more they talked, the more obvious it all became to her.

Even after all this time, she was still in love with Laura. After all these years, she was still in love with a girl who no longer loved her back.

\--

With a full tray of food in her hands, Carmilla breezed through the cafeteria and headed for her usual spot near Mel, Theo, and Kirsch. Though Kirsch had attempted to give Carmilla the cold shoulder after the Piss-Wet Chet lemonade balloon incident the previous week, he was remarkably awful at it. He’d given up on trying to be mad at her before the end of the following breakfast.

It was the third week of camp, and Carmilla had gotten to know her mealtime companions fairly well by now, but she still couldn’t say that she particularly liked them. Mel was alright most of the time, she could be brutally honest and Carmilla admired that about her. Kirsch was kind, but too dumb to hold a decent conversation with. And she was almost positive that Theo was secretly some kind of murderous sociopath. He was the most annoying out of the three, and he obnoxiously liked to push people’s buttons for fun, but Carmilla nonetheless wanted to stay on Theo’s good side—just in case.

“Hey! Carm! Come sit over here!” Laura called out unexpectedly.

She froze, feeling entirely overwhelmed. Not only did Laura just invite Carmilla to sit at her table, not only did she use a nickname that Carmilla hadn’t heard in five long years, but she did it loudly and publicly. There wasn’t a single counselor in the cafeteria who wasn’t looking at her now.

Cautiously, Carmilla turned back and slid onto the picnic table bench beside Laura. LaFontaine and Perry openly glared at her, and, from directly across the table, Danny blankly stared as she watched the scene unfold.

“So, who’s excited for the bonfire tonight?” Laura asked, either oblivious to awkwardness she had caused or purposefully ignoring it.

Laura’s nonchalance prompted the other counselors around them to resume their various conversations, leaving Carmilla with only the skeptical stares of three redheads to worry about.

“First one of the summer.” Danny replied. “Should be fun if those storm clouds hold off.”

Laura addressed Carmilla too as she asked, “Do you think we should we have an all girls’ fire? Or should we try to make a big one with the boys too?”

Interjecting, LaFontaine said, “There’s really no need to gender the seats at a campfire.”

“For us, there might be.” Laura explained. “We still have an ongoing rivalry with Cabin 2. You know, the whole Piss-Wet Chet thing?”

“Classic.” Carmilla commented, still amused by her own cleverness.

Danny let out a dry laugh and muttered, “More like immature.”

Carmilla had intended to play nice when she sat down, but her intentions meant nothing in the face of Danny’s contempt.

“Got something you want to say to me?” Carmilla questioned.

Danny shrugged. “I just think it’s a little immature for a counselor, a grown adult, to target a fourteen-year-old boy like that. The kids can have all the balloon wars and rivalries they want, but you don’t have to get involved.”

Carmilla smirked. “All I’m hearing is that you’re jealous I’m more fun than you are.”

Jumping into the argument, Perry said, “I think Danny is right. I think you bullied that boy.”

“No one asked for your opinion.” Carmilla said through a mouthful of mashed potatoes.

“Guys!” Laura exclaimed, frustrated. Looking at her friends, she said, “Stop acting like this. You don’t even know what you’re fighting about. Carmilla led the attack on Cabin 2, yeah, but I was there the whole time. I knew the plan. I could’ve stopped her, but I didn’t. Because I thought it was hilarious, and I knew that kid had it coming. He was harassing one of our girls and making her feel terrible about herself. _He_ was the bully here, not Carmilla.”

It was hard to say which of them at the table was the most surprised to see Laura come to Carmilla’s defense.

“Yeah.” Carmilla grinned triumphantly at Laura’s trio of friends. “What she said.”

\--

The rain poured down from the night sky with a fervor unlike any storm that Carmilla had seen at Camp Silas before. Thunder shook the powerless cabin, roaring loudly overhead as the campers huddled around a lantern swapping gossip and ghost stories.

“This sucks. I’ve been looking forward to bonfire night all week.” Laura complained as she plopped down on Carmilla’s bed. She mirrored Carmilla’s position by leaning her back against the cabin wall and letting her legs dangle off the edge of the mattress, her toes just barely touching the floor.

“Who said that you could sit on my bed?” Carmilla teased before moving their lantern so that it sat between them.

“Shut up.” Laura smiled. She grew quiet for a moment, contemplating something. Eventually, she asked, “Do you remember that time it actually hailed?”

“How could I forget?” Carmilla smiled fondly at the memory. “It’s not every day that you see hail in the summer. But I guess this place didn’t get the name Lake Hailstorm for nothing.”

“Yeah, it was weird, but do you remember what happened? What we did?” Laura questioned.

Carmilla waited until a loud spurt of thunder had passed before she answered, “We ran around trying to see who could catch the biggest piece of hail, but they kept melting in our hands before we could show them off. And then when you weren’t looking, I scooped up a bunch of them and dropped them all down the back of your shirt. Your face was completely red by the time you finished yelling at me.”

“That’s when I knew.” Laura confessed quietly.

“Knew what?”

“That I wanted to be with you.”

Carmilla was thankful that the ferocious storm outside was loud enough to consume the silence while she struggled to find the right words to say.

Gradually, she admitted, “I knew before then.”

“When?” Laura asked curiously.

“I knew from the moment I first saw you.”

“Shut up.”

“I’m serious.” Carmilla looked over at her, suddenly very aware as to how closely they were sitting on the bed. “From day one, I wanted you.”

Unconvinced, Laura said, “I don’t believe that.”

“It’s true.” Carmilla insisted. “You were the perfect girl. Beautiful, smart, funny, caring. And you hated me the first week, so that only made me like you even more.”

“I didn’t hate you.”

“You did. You said you did. Not to my face, but I heard.”

Laura gasped. “Heard from who?”

“Danny.” Carmilla hated to bring her name into such a nice conversation. “She never liked me. Never thought I was good enough for you.”

“She’s my friend. She’s just looking out for me.”

“Is that why you kissed her?” Carmilla asked.

A beat passed before Laura could say, “I only kissed her because I wanted to show everyone that I’m fine with you being here.”

“Are you sure you didn’t do it to make me jealous?” Carmilla held her breath as she waited for an answer.

Laura looked at Carmilla with a mix of emotions on her face, but said nothing.

Gathering all the courage that she could muster, Carmilla added, “Because if that’s the case, it worked.”

The air shifted as they looked each other in the eye with only the storm outside to fill their silence. The lantern began to tilt on the bed, revealing that one of them, perhaps even both of them, was leaning in closer. The springs in the mattress creaked, giving the movement away even further, but they pretended not to hear it. Carmilla risked a glance down to Laura’s lips. Her pulse raced and her breathing all but stopped. She wanted so badly to close the gap and kiss those lips that she’d been dreaming of for so long, but she didn’t dare make another move. She didn’t want to scare her away, or to push her into something she wasn’t ready for.

So, Carmilla waited. Waited for a sign that what she and Laura had wasn’t lost after all. Waited for confirmation that Laura felt it too. Waited for Laura to stay, or waited for her to go.

Screams from the other side of the cabin, along with the thunderous pounding of shoes against the floorboards, had Carmilla and Laura jumping apart. Without wasting any time, the counselors hurried through the curtains to find a chaotic scene. Teenage boys, with no counselor of their own in sight, were running around in the dark pelting water balloons in every direction.

“Hey!” Carmilla shouted, trying her best to sound intimidating. Most of the boys panicked and ran out the door, but a few hung around waiting for something to happen. Though it was hard to see who was who with only an overturned lantern for light, Carmilla recognized the hat with a fish logo on it. After withdrawing a special balloon from his bag, Chet Harrington launched it directly at Mary. The balloon hit her right between the pigtails, pointblank in the face. Laughing hysterically, Chet and the boys sprinted out of the cabin, narrowly escaping Carmilla’s reach.

Standing from her bed, Mary began to cry and proclaimed, “This isn’t water.”

Carmilla only had to take a few steps forward before the smell of urine reached her nose. Fuming mad, she turned and marched to the door before throwing it open and rushing out into the storm. As the rain poured down on her, she searched for which way the boys had run. She caught sight of them in the distance as a streak of lightning lit up the world.

From behind her, Laura descended the stairs and joined her in the wind and rain.

“Stop!” Laura begged. “Don’t go after them.”

Carmilla whirled around, her teeth gritted in anger as she yelled, “That piece of shit threw a _pee_ balloon! I’m not going to let him get away with that!”

“You can’t just go punish kids on your own.” Laura reminded her. “You’ve already got two strikes. Mattie will fire you this time.”

“Fine.” Carmilla walked past Laura, her bare feet splashing in the muddy puddles as her clothes became completely soaked. “Then I’ll go tell Kirsch how I feel about him not keeping a better eye on his campers. A nice punch to the jaw ought to work.”

“You’ll get fired for that too!” Laura said before grabbing Carmilla by the arm and forcing her to stop.

“She can fire me if she wants. I don’t care!” Carmilla shouted over the rolling thunder.

“I’ll care!” Laura blurted out.

Lightning flashed overhead, streaking between the clouds. They stared at each other as the rain blocked out the world around them. Carmilla wanted to kiss her. She wanted so badly to grab the back of her neck and pull her in for a kiss, but she couldn’t. All she could do was stand and stare and wait.

“Come back inside with me.” Laura pleaded. “We can deal with Cabin 2 and Chet Harrington in the morning. Our girls need us right now. They need _both_ of us.”

With great hesitation, Carmilla nodded and allowed Laura to lead her back into the cabin.

\--

Carmilla fell onto her bed with a heavy sigh. The thunderstorm was still going on outside, though not half as strong as it once was. Slipping beneath the bedsheet, Carmilla reveled at the comfort it provided. It felt nice to be dry again, though her hair was still a bit damp, but more than that it felt nice to know that Mary and her pigtails were surrounded by a show of love from her fellow Cabin 3 girls. Not only did the campers help Mary clean up, but they immediately began plotting outrageous revenge schemes to cheer her up.

“What a night, huh?” Laura said as she shut the curtains of the cabin divider and began pulling her hair into a messy bun.

“Fuck Chet Harrington.” Carmilla mumbled, already having to fight off the urge to fall asleep.

Shivering, Laura wrapped her arms around herself and replied, “Don’t worry. The girls will get him back somehow. I just heard the tail end of a plan to color tampons red and leave them in his bed.”

Carmilla pried open an eye and looked over to where Laura stood in the middle of the room. Jokingly, she said, “If you’re cold, I’ve got plenty of body heat to share.”

In a surprising move, Laura took up the offer.

“Move over then.” She instructed, her teeth chattering as she approached the bed.

Feeling much more awake, Carmilla scooted back on the single bed as far as she could. With her back against the cabin wall, she watched as Laura pulled back the bedsheet and slipped under it. The mattress springs creaked beneath the added weight, but the room fell quiet as Laura settled into place.

“I’m still cold.” Laura announced.

Guardedly, Carmilla inched closer until she could drape an arm over her waist.

“Is that better?” Carmilla asked, growing a little dizzy from the smell of Laura’s shampoo.

“Much.” She answered with an even tone, not giving away how or if the situation was affecting her.

Feeling a little brave, Carmilla smiled and said, “It’s been a long time since we spooned in a bed.”

“Yeah.” Laura agreed quietly.

The conversation died out, but Carmilla didn’t mind. She felt good. She felt happy to hear giggles drifting through the cabin divider as their campers thought up diabolical ways to destroy Chet Harrington and continue the feud with Cabin 2. She felt content to have Laura so close to her again. She felt pleased to remember that Laura had defended her. And, knowing that Laura cared enough to run out in a storm just to stop her from jeopardizing her place at Camp Silas, she felt hopeful about the future.


	6. Unspoken Words

The sun was beating down relentlessly harsh on the field. Carmilla held on tight to the thick rope in her hands as if her life depended on it. She leaned back and dug her feet into the dirt, determined not to let the rope slip through her sweaty palms. In front of Carmilla, Laura grunted with effort as she put her full weight against the rope. Her feet slid helplessly across the ground as she tried to pull more in their favor.

On the other side, the opposing team bared gritted teeth as they tried to stop themselves from plunging into to the mud pit of failure between them.

“Big pull on three.” Carmilla instructed, her words nearly drowned out by the enthusiastic cheers of their spectators. “One…two…three!”

Giving it everything they had left to give, Carmilla and Laura jerked hard at the rope. It was just enough of an extra pull to send the counselors of Cabin 8 tumbling into the mud pit.

Dropping the rope, Carmilla and Laura finally breathed a sigh of relief.

“Yes!” Laura exclaimed as she threw her red hands toward the sky. “We did it.”

“Of course we did.” Carmilla replied, a little out of breath. It had been a long time since she’d exerted so much physical energy in a single day, but this year’s Silas Showdown was a rough one regardless.

While watching the losing team crawl out from the mud, Laura began listing their achievements with her fingers. “We won the swim race at the lake, we made the best campfire, we crushed the obstacle course, we won our tug-of-war match, and now all we have to do is win the last competition and we’ll be the Showdown champions. Ice cream party for Cabin 3, here we come.”

Carmilla stretched out her aching hands. Incredulously, she said, “All this just for an ice cream party. Unbelievable.”

“Don’t forget the bragging rights.” Laura reminded her. “That part is very important.”

After carefully walking around the muddy globs that used to be two very clean counselors, Mattie stopped by Carmilla and Laura.

“Congratulations.” Mattie said distractedly, her eyes on the clipboard that she held. “You’ve moved on to the finals. Now, if you and your campers will follow me, everything is already set up in the cafeteria for us.”

Moving things right along, Mattie waved for the crowd to follow her and led the trek toward Town Hall.

“Who else are we playing?” Laura asked as she struggled to keep up with Mattie’s fast pace.

With a glance to her clipboard, Mattie answered, “Cabins 2 and 5.”

Carmilla and Laura shared a wary look. The day’s events had been difficult, but the pressure of the competition to come would be unlike anything they’d endured thus far.

\--

“We’ve got this.” Laura muttered as she nervously tapped her fingers against their wooden podium.

Looking out at the crowd of campers and counselors that had gathered in the cafeteria, Carmilla replied, “Yeah. We’ve got this. But…do we even know what we’re doing yet?”

Lowering her voice so that the two pairs of counselors to the podiums on their right wouldn’t hear her, Laura said, “It’s going to be a trivia game, but they change the topic every year. Last summer, the questions were all about food. The year before that, it was movies. It’s up to Mattie to pick the topic. Whatever it is, we just have to stick to our strategy and we’ll be fine.”

“Our strategy?” Carmilla questioned.

Laura paused, then turned to her with a mortified expression. “We forgot to make a strategy.”

“It’s a trivia game. Why would we even need a strategy for answering questions?” She asked, confused.

“I don’t know.” Laura groaned, anxious. “I’ve never made it this far in the Showdown before. I’m stressing out.”

“Laura…” Carmilla laughed. “We’re trying to win an ice cream party, not a flashy car or a trip to the Caribbean.”

“But look at our competition.” Laura not-so-inconspicuously nodded toward the counselors at the other podiums. “We’re up against Danny and Mel, the two most competitive people in this entire camp, and Kirsch and Theo, the two counselors in charge of those demonic Cabin 2 boys. Our girls will be crushed if we lose to those guys.”

“Wait.” Carmilla leaned around Laura to see the two boys at the podium beside them. “ _Theo_? What happened to that weird J.P. guy?”

“Theo is filling in for him. Didn’t you hear? J.P. got sent to the hospital in town for the weekend. He’s the one who had the severe allergic reaction to a bee sting yesterday.” Laura gave her a pointed look. “Don’t you dare say a word about the bees at a time like this.”

Disappointed that a ruthless boy like Theo was in the competition, and that Laura had cut off the bee jokes before she could even think of one, Carmilla asked, “If Theo is helping Kirsch, who is watching his campers with…wait…what’s that guy’s name again? John? Tom? Damn, all these straight guys look so much alike to me.”

“Shh!” Laura urged as Mattie stepped in front of the podiums. “It’s starting.”

“Good evening, campers!” Mattie smiled brightly as she addressed the crowded cafeteria. “It is my pleasure to welcome you all to the last round of the annual Silas Showdown! Behind me are our finalists! Representing Cabin 2, we have Wilson Kirsch and Theo Straka! Representing Cabin 3, Laura Hollis and Carmilla Karnstein! And from Cabin 5, Danny Lawrence and Melanippe Callis! Alright, settle down, settle down.” She waited for the applause to end before she went on. “For this final competition, we have a trivia game. The topic? Each other! That’s right, the winning team will be the counselors who can answer the most questions correct about the person standing beside them.”

Laura and Carmilla shared matching looks of confidence, while the other counselors sent displeased glares in their direction.

“We’ve got this.” Laura whispered with a smile.

“Yeah.” Carmilla nodded, feeling a bit weak at the sight of Laura smiling at her like that. “We do.”

\--

“It was rigged!” Theo loudly proclaimed to the counselors that were walking with him.

From further up the row of cabins, Laura looked straight ahead and said to Carmilla, “Keep walking. Ignore him. He’s just a sore loser.”

“If he keeps this up...” Carmilla stared at the ground as they walked, feeling more than a little annoyed at Theo’s antics.

“Don’t do anything stupid. We’re almost home.” Laura pointed to their approaching cabin.

Again, Theo purposefully raised his voice loud enough so that Carmilla and Laura would be able to hear as he said, “It’s no surprise that the two who are fucking would know each other the best. Rigged!”

In unison, Carmilla and Laura spun around to face Theo and his companions. Among the group were Danny, Mel, and Kirsch, who all looked equally uncomfortable as they approached.

“You can’t say things like that here!” Laura snapped at Theo once he was close enough. “Are you blind? Did you not just watch the entire camp walk into these cabins? What if one of the kids heard you? Besides, we won fair and square.” Awkwardly, she mumbled, “And we’re not sleeping together either.”

Theo laughed. “Oh, must be my mistake. It’s just, you know, one minute you’re kissing on Danny, the next you’re all buddy-buddy with your ex…it’s hard for me to keep track of girls like you.”

Angry, Laura asked, “And exactly what kind of girl am I?”

“I’d better not say.” Theo smirked, greatly enjoying how much of a rise he was getting out of her. “Wouldn’t want the children to hear that one of the counselors is a floozy.”

“You’d better watch yourself.” Carmilla threatened as she took a menacing step forward.

With a devilish grin, he asked, “Does it make you angry to hear that your girl’s a slut?”

“I’ve won fights against bigger men than you.” Carmilla warned.

“I’d dare you to try but…” He glanced to Laura. “If we play that game, someone might start daring more girls to kiss her.”

“ _Theo_.” Danny cautioned. “That’s enough.”

“I’m just having a little fun.” Theo chuckled. “You guys are the ones bringing down the mood.”

Moving between Carmilla and Theo, Laura glowered up at him. “Listen here, you tiny dildo. My sex life is none of your business. Who I kiss is none of your business. And how much time I spend with a coworker is none of your business. This little macho show that you’re trying to put on for your friends isn’t making you look like a big man. It’s making you look insecure and petty. Now that I’ve seen this, I’m not surprised that the teenage boys in this camp are running around acting like monsters when they’ve got an immature tool like you for a role model.”

He smiled, seemingly impressed at her for standing up to him. “Fair enough. Just one question. Why a dildo? Why not just call me a dick like everyone else does?”

“Because you’re too fake to be the real thing.” Laura answered without missing a beat. The group erupted into laughter, effectively silencing any comeback that Theo could’ve made.

Without another word, Laura turned on her heels and dragged Carmilla in the direction of their cabin.

\--

“Never a dull day at Camp Silas.” Laura muttered as she kicked off her shoes and slid them beneath her cot.

Turning on the ceiling light, Carmilla offered, “At least we won the Showdown. I still can’t believe that you knew my birthday. I don’t even remember telling you that.”

“A good journalist never reveals her sources.” Laura replied. She began gathering her shower supplies as she added, “The real question here is how did you remember that my favorite flavor of ice cream is chocolate chip cookie dough?”

Carmilla closed the cabin divider and sat down at the edge of her bed. Removing her own shoes, she answered, “Lucky guess.”

Laura opened her mouth to make a skeptical remark, but stopped short as she thought about it. Finally, she replied, “Yeah, okay, that one isn’t too hard to guess.” She paused. “Do you think…do you think the game really was rigged for us to win? I mean, Mattie is the one who decides what the trivia game is about and we kind of _were_ the obvious pick to win with a topic like that. And now that I think about it…it was pretty unfair that Danny and Kirsch were paired up with newbies while we had each other to work with.”

“Who cares if it was rigged? What Theo said was uncalled for. He took it way too far. And he’s lucky there were too many witnesses around for me to do anything to him.”

Seriously, Laura said, “You better not try to do something to him later.”

Carmilla let out a frustrated sigh. “First I have to let Piss-Wet Chet slide, and now I have to let this go too?”

“You’re already on strike two with Mattie.”

“I know. You love reminding me of that.”

Laura was quiet for a second before she said, “I’m just looking out for you. That’s what friends do.”

“So we’re friends?” Carmilla asked.

“Well…yeah, I guess.” Laura sat down her towel and toiletry bag so that she could cross her arms over her chest. “I mean…I don’t see why not.”

“We’ve never really been friends before.” Carmilla noted. “Last time around, you went straight from hating me to dating me.”

“That’s not how it happened.”

“That’s how it felt.”

Softly, Laura revealed, “I didn’t hate you. I hated how you acted so cool and cocky. You were the hot, mysterious new girl. Everyone our age was drooling over you. And you knew it. And you walked around acting like you knew it. That’s what I hated. But then I got to know you a little, and we had our full moon swim, and then there was the hailstorm. After that, I couldn’t keep denying that I was just like everyone else.”

“You’ve never been like everyone else.” Carmilla shook her head. “That’s why I chased after you. That’s why I never stopped thinking about you.”

Laura stared at her, hard and expressionless. After a tense moment, she said, “Don’t say things like that.”

“Why?” Carmilla questioned. “It’s the truth. I never forgot about you. Or about how I felt for you.”

“We’re friends now. And friends don’t talk like that.”

Carmilla stood. She was tired of skirting around the issue. Tired of waiting and guessing. She wanted answers. Bravely, she demanded, “Tell me you don’t still have feelings for me. If friendship is really what you want, say it. Right now.”

Laura remained quiet, making no move to say anything at all.

Softer, Carmilla went on to say, “I think history is repeating itself. I think you’re back to pretending that you don’t want to be with me because you don’t think you should want that. But you can. You _can_ want that, Laura. You can want me. Because I want you. I never stopped wanting you.” She had to look away as she said, “I never stopped loving you.” She glanced up. “And I don’t think you ever stopped loving me. You’re just too scared to admit it.”

Again, Laura only stared back at her.

“Say something.” Carmilla begged, feeling entirely too exposed.

Laura collected her shower things, faced the divider, and replied, “Not only are you making it really hard to be your friend right now, but you’re embarrassing yourself in the process. You might want to stop before you make it any worse.”

Carmilla stood there, heartbroken and rejected, and watched as the love of her life walked away.

\--

Carmilla paced the door to the showers, feeling conflicted and irritated. She didn’t want to just barge in after being so harshly turned down, but Laura had been gone from the cabin for quite a long time and she was worried. Was Laura lying in a puddle of her own blood after having slipped and cracked her head open? Was she crawling to the door in agonizing pain after having had her appendix rupture? Or was there someone else in there with her? Danny, perhaps? Was Laura even in Town Hall at all? Was she just pacing outside for absolutely no reason?

“Fuck it.” Carmilla muttered before pushing open the door and rushing into the humid room. She stopped near the benches, spotting Laura’s belongings perched at the end of one near the sinks. Through the steamy room, Carmilla searched for the source of the running water until she noticed the closed door of a stall near the back wall.

“Laura?” Carmilla called out. “Is that you?”

When no response came, Carmilla walked down to the stall and knocked on the plastic door.

“Laura? It’s me. You’ve been gone for like two hours. I came to check on you.”

No response.

“Laura…just tell me that you’re okay and I’ll go. I’m not here to bother you.”

Nothing.

“I’m sorry. Okay? I’m sorry. Maybe I should’ve kept how I felt to myself. But…” She felt stupid talking to a door, but somehow that it made it easier to say what she needed to say. “I can’t help the way I feel about you. I know I hurt you, but I’m not that person anymore. I’ve grown up. You know that. You can see that. I’ve changed. I’m not the stupid kid that I used to be. I know it’s hard to trust someone whose whole life is one big fuckup after another, but I mean every word that I’m saying. Whether it’s just as friends or…look, whatever happens with us, I won’t ever hurt you again.”

There was a loud click, followed by the door swinging open, and suddenly Laura was standing before Carmilla with streams of water dripping down her naked body.

Averting her gaze to the floor, Carmilla swallowed hard and said, “I love you, Laura. I always have.”

“Shut up.” Laura’s voice was just above a whisper. “Stop talking.”

“Do you want me to leave?”

Rather than speak her reply, Laura took a step forward and grabbed Carmilla by her shirt collar. She yanked the girl into the shower stall with her, spinning them around so that Carmilla stood with her back against the tiled wall and with the water pouring down on top of her. As the stall door swung closed, Laura grabbed Carmilla’s neck and smashed their lips together. Carmilla kept her hands planted flat against the wall as they kissed, partly because she was too stunned to move, but mostly because she wanted Laura to have complete control of the situation.

Laura wasted no time in pulling Carmilla’s wet shirt over her head, carelessly tossing it up onto the partition where her dry towel sat. Her hands went to Carmilla’s shorts next, unbuttoning them and helping her slide out of the wet denim. The shorts joined Carmilla’s shirt on the partition, quickly followed by her bra and underwear too. With no clothes left to remove, Laura’s hands became a bit less aggressive. They slowly ran down Carmilla’s sides before tightly gripping her hips, where they pulled Carmilla in closer to her. With their bodies pressed flush against each other beneath the hot spray of the shower, Carmilla let her hands gently trail up Laura’s arms and shoulders until she could cup the girl’s cheeks as they kissed.

For a long time, kissing was all they did. But that was more than okay with Carmilla. She loved getting to relearn the shape of Laura’s lips. To feel the spark in her chest when Laura ran her tongue across her bottom lip. To feel Laura’s body pressed against hers after having fantasized about moments like this for so long.

Trailing her lips along Carmilla’s jawline, placing soft kisses as she went, Laura stopped just below her ear to whisper, “Touch me.”

Carmilla didn’t have to be told twice.

Angling herself so that she had some space between their bodies to move within, she let her hand travel down from Laura’s face. Her fingers lightly caressed over the rapidly pulsing vein in her neck, her collar bone, her chest, between her breasts, down her toned stomach, until her fingers found their destination. As Carmilla slid her hand between Laura’s thighs, Laura sucked at a particularly sensitive spot on Carmilla’s neck, which left her feeling a bit lightheaded as well as incredibly aroused.

From there, Laura mirrored most of Carmilla’s actions. She maneuvered her hand between Carmilla’s legs, let a middle finger move teasingly slowly over her aching clit, felt how wet she was, slid a finger inside of her, allowed the movement of her palm to rub against her clit as she began to pump her finger in and out, added a second finger to the mix—curling them both at just the right angle to stroke where it mattered most.

Carmilla’s lips hungrily found Laura’s as they matched each other’s movements and speed. Laura moaned into her mouth, which made Carmilla’s fingers dig into Laura’s back as she held her close. Laura bit Carmilla’s bottom lip, a bit painfully, but it only turned her on more. The lust that was deep within her, the burning carnal desire that made her hips move to a rhythm of their own, was ready to release.

“I’m…” The words caught in Carmilla’s throat as Laura’s entire body abruptly tensed and shook. As Laura came against Carmilla’s hand, she bit into the soft skin of Carmilla’s shoulder, promptly pushing Carmilla over the edge as well. Her eyes rolled back, her mouth fell open, her toes curled against the floor, and the world around her ceased to exist. For that blissful moment, there was only her, and Laura, and the feeling of Laura’s fingers inside her as she found her release.

Laura kissed the bite mark that she’d made, then kissed Carmilla’s numb lips. With both arms, they held each other tight beneath the falling water. They stayed in each other’s embrace until the water turned cold, and then they wordlessly gathered their things, dressed themselves, and walked back to the cabin. They said nothing as they ascended the stairs, nothing as they snuck through the divider, and nothing as they climbed into their separate beds.

It wasn’t perfect. In fact, things were left more complicated than ever before. But it was something, and that was better than nothing. It was enough to prove everything that Carmilla had been suspecting. It was a step in the right direction.

It was a start.


	7. Sightless

Looking unusually tired beneath the harsh fluorescent lights, Mattie sat behind her desk with a mug of coffee and a large folder of amazingly detailed schedules in front of her.

“Missing?” Mattie asked in a flat tone while raising a skeptical brow.

Carmilla groaned and said, “Yes. That’s what I said. Laura is missing. She wasn’t in her bed when I woke up, she wasn’t at breakfast, and she didn’t even show up for Crafts—her favorite part of the whole fucking day. So, you know, I’d appreciate it if you could take this a little more seriously.”

Unimpressed, Mattie asked, “Where are your campers now? Who is watching them?”

“They’re doing that team building exercise crap with those pretentious pricks you insist on bringing back every week.”

Mattie took a sip of her coffee before saying, “That’s no way to speak to your employer, Carmilla.”

“Laura is missing.” Carmilla told her for a third time.

“That’s highly unlikely.” Mattie paused to sip from her mug again. “Where did you see her last?”

“Asleep in her bed.” Carmilla easily answered.

“Did anything out of the ordinary happen last night?”

Carmilla hesitated, and Mattie saw it.

“What did you do?” Mattie accused, giving Carmilla her full attention.

“Something happened between us.” Carmilla allowed. “But we didn’t talk about it afterward, so I’m not really sure how she feels about it.”

“You slept together?” Mattie assumed.

“Something to that effect.”

“Well, in that case, she’s certainly not missing.”

“Then where is she?” Carmilla asked, growing more heated by the second.

“Avoiding you.” Mattie replied as if the answer was obvious. “Avoiding _the talk_ that you didn’t have last night. And she’s probably avoiding how it all made her feel.” Mattie sat down her mug and leaned forward, growing stern. “As the director of this camp, I am obligated to ask that you refrain from conducting yourself in any way that could be construed as inappropriate. What two consenting adults do on their downtime in private is none of my concern, but it _must_ remain in private. I don’t want to hear that a cabin full of teenagers found out their counselors are screwing each other because you two had an argument about it within hearing range.”

“We know how to whisper.” Carmilla weakly defended.

“I don’t care if you go and pass notes back and forth to each other, just keep the kids out of it.” Mattie pleaded.

Carmilla checked the time on the wall clock and asked, “So what do I do? Just keep running things by myself? The girls have been asking about Laura all morning. I had to tell them she was feeling sick because I didn’t know what else to say.”

“That’s fine.” Mattie looked over her cluttered schedule. “There’s nothing planned today that you can’t handle on your own.”

“And what if she never shows up?” Carmilla asked, her anger fading to reveal genuine concern. “What if she got so upset that she just up and left camp? What if she tried hitchhiking her way to town and now she’s in trouble?”

“What if she’s taking a long hike through the woods to clear her head? What if she’s in someone else’s bed? She could be anywhere.” Mattie impatiently tapped her finger against the desk. “Look, she’s missing work and that’s a problem that I’ll have a few words with her about. But she’s not a missing person. Not yet. If she doesn’t turn up by curfew, then I’ll report it. In the meantime, there’s not much I can. Now get back to your campers before you say something stupid and get yourself fired.”

“One last question.” Carmilla waited for Mattie to give a nod of acknowledgment. “Can you unlock the camp medicine cabinet for me really quick? I’ve got a feeling I might need something from in there for later.”

\--

“Hey. Can we talk for a minute? Over there?” Carmilla hated this moment with every fiber of her being, but she was growing desperate.

Confused, Danny followed Carmilla away from the field of campers. Their fellow counselors, Mel and Theo in particular, watched them closely as they walked off together.

“What’s up?” Danny asked once they were out of earshot. She kept herself alert and aware of her surroundings, almost as if she expected to be the victim of a prank.

“Have you seen Laura at all today?” Carmilla asked, looking for any sign on Danny’s face that might suggest the redhead was covering for the counselor in question.

“No.” Danny answered slowly. “Why? Have you not seen her?”

Going against her selfish desire to leave Danny out of it, Carmilla admitted, “No.”

“No?” Danny’s brows shot up in surprise.

“The last time I saw her was when we were going to bed.” Carmilla revealed. “She was gone before I woke up, and now she’s missed two meals.”

“I’m sorry, but I haven’t seen her.” Danny glanced over her shoulder to check on the campers before she added, “I’m sure she’s fine though.”

“I’m…okay, listen, this is really weird behavior even for Laura. I’m worried that something bad might have happened to her. So if you’ve seen her, just say that. I don’t have to know where she is, or what she’s doing, I just want to know that she’s okay.”

“I really haven’t seen her.” Danny suspiciously narrowed her gaze. “What makes you think something bad happened to her?”

Thinking fast, Carmilla answered, “We made origami dinosaurs in Crafts. She wouldn’t have wanted to miss that.”

Danny stared at her incredulously for a moment, then shrugged. “Well, if I do see her, I’ll let her know that you’re worried.”

“No.” Carmilla waved the offer away. “No, just tell her that Mattie wants to talk to her.”

Awkwardly, Carmilla exited the conversation without a goodbye.

\--

“Do you like it?” Mary asked excitedly as she screwed the top back on the nail polish bottle.

Raising her head from where she’d laid it on her forearm, Carmilla looked over the sparkly bright pink paintjob. The other eleven campers all huddled around to check out Carmilla’s hands, with some peering down from bunk beds and others craning their necks from where they sat on the floor.

“It’s fabulous.” Carmilla answered, despite completely loathing the color choice.

After looking around at the other girls for silent approval, Mary turned back to Carmilla and said, “Tonight is the night.”

“Oh yeah? Really? Tonight’s the night, huh?” She had no idea what they were talking about.

“Really.” Mary nearly squealed with delight. “We’ve got it all planned out. As soon as the boys go down to the bonfire, we’re going to sneak in to Cabin 2 and use a permanent marker to write ‘Piss-Wet Chet’ on all of Chet’s shirts.”

From the side, another camper added, “And then we’re going to steal his stupid fish hat.”

“Oh yeah!” Mary nodded, visibly unable to believe that she’d forgotten that part of their scheme. “And we’re going to try to steal his hat. We just don’t know what to do with it once we’ve got it. But that one is a longshot, since he never takes it off.”

“Hmm.” Carmilla thought it over. “I like the idea of emphasizing the nickname, but vandalizing another camper’s property, not to mention _stealing_ another camper’s property, would definitely get someone in trouble. Do you have a backup plan?”

Disappointed, Mary answered, “We thought about maybe dumping all his clothes in the lake.”

“No, that won’t cut it.” Carmilla grinned at the twelve eager faces around her. “But, lucky for you, I’ve got an idea that might work.”

\--

Carmilla sat at the end of a cafeteria table with an empty bowl in front of her. The girls of Cabin 3 filled a table to her right, all chatting away and enjoying their ice cream party. It was nice to see the girls indulging in something special, but it was entirely bittersweet in the face of Laura’s absence. The two of them had won this prize together, and Carmilla felt more than a little guilty to partake in the fun when she had no idea where Laura was.

“Nice party.”

For a moment, Carmilla thought that perhaps she’d fallen asleep, or perhaps she was having some kind of a mental breakdown, but the longer she stared up at Laura the more real it all felt.

“Yeah. Nice party.” Carmilla mumbled, dumbfounded.

Laura took a seat across from Carmilla at the table with a tall ice cream cone in her hands. She said a quick hello to the girls, then began her attack on the cone.

Recovering, Carmilla lowered her voice and tensely asked, “Where have you been?”

“I already sorted everything out with Mattie. It’s fine.” Laura gave her a pointed look. “Thanks for snitching on me, by the way.”

“I was worried.” Carmilla told her. “Seriously worried. No one had seen you. And…after last night…”

Laura shrugged, casual as ever. “What about last night? Nothing of importance happened.”

Maybe this was a bad dream after all.

“What do you mean nothing happened?” She asked, confused. “Something _did_ happen. Something that we need to talk about.”

“You’re not listening.” Laura smiled, but it failed to reach her eyes. “Something happened. It just wasn’t anything important. As in, not a big deal. So there’s really nothing that needs to be talked about.”

“Then why did you disappear all day?”

“I had something I needed to do.”

“Like what?”

“Like none of your business.”

Carmilla pushed her empty bowl to the side, growing frustrated.

Maintaining her pleasant smile, she said, “Relax. It’s a party. We have ice cream. There’s no need for attitude or tantrums here.”

Carmilla wanted to press the issue, but the girls were too close for her to freely speak her mind. Instead, she quietly sat there and let her aggravation stew.

More than once, she found herself captivated by the way Laura’s tongue lapped at the ice cream, and, more than once, she was forced to quickly look away after having been caught staring.

She wasn’t quite sure what kind of game Laura was playing, but she was wise enough to know that it was working.

\--

The smell of smoke was in heavy in the air. All of the counselors and campers were gathered down by the lake, separated around the campfires they’d built themselves. Music drifted on the breeze from a portable stereo, the kids were dancing and laughing, and marshmallows were being roasted over the flames. It was typical Silas bonfire night, fun and comforting. But it wasn’t enough to ease the tension that sat in Carmilla’s bones, nor was it enough to distract her from the way Laura looked in the warm glow of the fire.

Shaking the daydreams from her mind, Carmilla adjusted her folding chair so that she had a better view of the occupants of the neighboring fire, her anticipation for what was to come growing tenfold as she caught sight of a particular hat with a fish logo across the front.

“Trying to get closer to me?” Laura guessed, half teasing and half annoyed.

Distractedly, Carmilla glanced to the counselor beside her and replied, “Don’t flatter yourself.”

Laura leaned toward her, amused, and whispered back, “Sounds like someone missed naptime today.”

“Yeah, I was too busy running around looking for you.” Carmilla threw back bitterly.

“So I heard.” Laura revealed, leaning back in her chair. “From several sources. I can’t believe you almost had Mattie report me as a missing person.”

Carmilla shifted how she was sitting so that she could better face Laura. Quietly, she explained, “Where I was at before here, people who disappeared for the day were usually in jail or dead by the time someone actually bothered to go look for them. So excuse me for caring.”

Laura could only stare back, her carefully constructed mask slipping just enough for Carmilla to know that this was indeed an act. Finally, after taking some time to collect herself, Laura replied, “Nice nails. What color is that? ‘Tragic backstory pink’?”

“Thanks.” Carmilla said tersely. “But it’s actually called ‘you love me and these stupid games you’re playing aren’t going to make that fact go away’.”

Flatly, she said, “That’s a dumb name for some nail polish. Much too long.”

“I thought it was rather fitting.”

“Maybe you should’ve gone with a different color then.”

“No, I think this one sums things up just fine.” Carmilla declared.

Growing a little tired of their back-and-forth, Laura said, “I think a nice ‘you are always making a big deal out of nothing’ would’ve worked better.”

Carmilla opened her mouth to throw out another pointless remark, but excited giggles from the surrounding campers reminded her of where they were.

From the neighboring fire, Chet Harrington abruptly stood, clutched at his stomach, and attempted to waddle away from the crowded lakeside.

“You doing okay, man?” Kirsch called out to him, drawing even more attention.

Chet ceased all movement and clenched every muscle in his body so hard that his face turned red. The entire camp stared at him, most of them clueless as to what was going on, but then came the smell drifting on the wind and suddenly everyone knew exactly why Chet had been so desperate to get away.

A tween boy a few fires to left pointed at him and loudly proclaimed, “Piss-Wet Chet just shat his pants!”

Happily, the girls from Cabin 3 began chanting, “Shit-Wet Chet!”

Swooping in from the shadows, Mattie did her best to control the situation, but the damage had already been done. Half the lakeside was doubled over laughing, and the rest were chanting along.

“Shit-Wet Chet.” Carmilla chuckled to herself. “Classic.”

“How’d you do it?” Laura asked while everyone was distracted.

“Do what?” Carmilla played innocent.

Laura gave her a knowing look and said, “You’re behind this somehow.”

Carmilla shrugged. “Hey, I don’t know what you’re talking about. All I know is that a little bit of powder laxatives can go a long way.” Carmilla smirked. “And, fun fact, it’s practically undetectable in a nice bowl of ‘peace-offering’ ice cream.”

“Where did you find laxatives?” Laura asked curiously.

In a mock clinical tone, she answered, “The Camp Silas medical supply closet is stocked full of remedies for all kinds of ailments, including constipation.”

“Do you feel good about yourself?” Laura wondered. “I mean, really, does it feel good to know that you made a fourteen-year-old boy shit his pants in front of the entire camp?”

“Feels great.” Carmilla said as a bit of shame began to cloud her joy. She gestured to the happy faces sitting around their fire and added, “Feels even better to see this.”

“You took it too far.” Laura told her.

“No.” Carmilla shook her head. “No, see, this is nothing compared to what I felt like doing to him before. _This_ is mercy.”

Laura scoffed. “You keep saying that you’ve grown up and changed…but you’re still the same mean person you were five years ago.”

Meeting her breaking point, Carmilla stood from her chair and announced the girls, “Laura’s still feeling a little sick. We’re just going to go take a quick walk for some fresh air and then we’ll be right back.”

Leaving Laura with no choice but to follow her, Carmilla angrily walked away from the lake.

\--

Carmilla shut the door to the cabin, looked over the empty beds, and then set her sights on Laura. The cabin smelled familiar and lived-in, but the scent of smoke traveled with their clothes and wafted into the air with every little move they made. The ceiling light was bright compared to the night sky outside, but they needed to see each other clearly for this discussion. They’d kept each other in the dark enough as it was; this was a time for some clarity.

Feeling nervous, Carmilla began, “What happened last night—”

“Wasn’t important.” Laura cut in. “Not even all that memorable, really.”

Carmilla took a deep breath, trying to keep her cool. Slowly, she wrapped her fingers around her shirt collar and stretched it to the side, revealing the bite mark on her shoulder. She waited a beat to say, “It felt pretty memorable to me.”

Laura stared at the mark with a mix of emotions crossing her face. The mask was beginning to fall, but Carmilla still wasn’t sure exactly what she would find hiding beneath it.

Continuing, Carmilla bluntly claimed, “You love me.”

“I used to.” Laura replied softly. “A long time ago.”

“No. You still do.” Carmilla let go of her collar, forcing Laura to look away from the bite mark. “That’s why you’re acting like this. Last night scared you because you were finally realized that it’s true. Now you’re back to pretending like everything is fine and that we’re just friends and nothing is wrong but…I can see through that. I know you, Laura. And I know that last night meant something to you because it meant something to me.”

Laura did her best to shrug and feign indifference. “Last night was a mistake. A momentary lapse in judgement. I was feeling bad and I used you to feel better. That’s all it was.”

“I don’t believe that.”

“You never believe anything but what you want to believe.”

Carmilla crossed the room so that she was right up in Laura’s personal space, causing the shorter girl’s back to press against the wall. Evenly, she said, “Say you don’t love me. If it’s true, say it out loud. Say it and I’ll leave you alone. I’ll leave camp if that’s what you want. Fuck the contract. Fuck this job. I’ll find another one. I’ll make it so that you never have to see me again. All you have to do is say that you want me to leave. Say you don’t love me.”

Laura swallowed hard. With a shaky voice, she said, “If you want to go, then go, but don’t put that decision on me. And don’t turn this around like you’re some kind of a guiltless victim here. You’re the whole reason I’m like this! You’re the reason that I can’t let anyone close me. You’re the reason I can’t date a girl without second guessing her the whole time. And you want me to _trust_ you? Trust _you_? Of all people? You were dead to me even after I found out you were alive. Even after you showed up here like a ghost from the past. And last night…I may as well have been with a ghost, because you’ll never be anything more than that to me.”

Carmilla was stunned speechless. Her lips moved, trying to form words, but no sound followed.

Finding her footing, Laura added, “I fell in love with you because you ended up being a caring person beneath an arrogant bad girl exterior. I thought I was special because I got to see that side of you. To see the real you. But I was wrong. The _real_ you was at the surface the whole time. The person you showed me, the person that you’ve been trying to be for the last four weeks, that’s the scam. You’re a spiteful, manipulative person and I’m not falling for it anymore.”

“That’s bullshit.” She was fighting a losing battle, but that didn’t stop her from trying. “You’re just making stuff up so that you don’t have to face how you really feel.”

“Stop telling me how I do and don’t feel.” Laura demanded.

“I’m telling you what I see. And what I see, right here, is a girl who’s scared to admit that she’s in love because she’s afraid of getting hurt again.” Carmilla paused. “Well I’m scared too. Because you’re right about one thing: I’m not a good person. I’ve never been a good person. Every time that I try to be one, I end up doing the wrong thing. Odds are, I’ll fuck this up just like I’ve fucked up everything else in my life. And based on this crap you’re spewing, I’ve probably already fucked this up anyway. So tell me what to do. Tell me what you really want. No bullshit. No lies. The truth. Tell me. You can scream it at me if that’ll make you feel better. Just be real with me. I don’t want to go. I love it here, with you and with this job and with the girls. And I’ve got nothing when I leave here. Nowhere to go, no one to see, no home to go back to. But if you want me to leave, I’ll go. That’s how much I care about your feelings. I just…I want to make you happy, Laura. I don’t like the fact that I’ve hurt you. And I was telling you the truth last night, I am _never_ going to hurt you again. So tell me how to make you happy. Tell me what you want. If me being here is hurting you, say it. Whether you hate me or you love me…just say which one it is so that I know what to do. Because I can’t keep playing these games with you. Just tell me what to do next. I’ll do whatever you want.”

Laura remained quiet for a minute or two, only intensely staring back at her, until finally she ordered, “Turn around.”

Carmilla was confused, but nonetheless complied.

“Close your eyes.”

Feeling as though she was walking right into a trap, Carmilla bit back her pride and did as she was told.

“You’ll do anything I say?” Laura checked, her voice low and suggestive. Swiftly, she tied a bandana over Carmilla’s eyes to ensure that she wouldn’t be able to see.

“Anything.” Carmilla confirmed as Laura secured the bandana in place. She knew that Laura was only evading the truth by changing the subject just as she had the night before, but it was clearly an effective strategy because Carmilla had not one word of protest to make.

Laura led her by the arm through the divider curtains and over to a cot. She pushed Carmilla down onto the springy mattress and climbed on top of her, straddling her hips. She grabbed Carmilla’s hands by the wrists and brought her arms above her head. Blind to the world, Carmilla could only remain still and wait.

A squeak in the springs below and a shift in Laura’s weight above alerted Carmilla to movement. She waited, and waited, and waited, until finally she felt lips against her own. The kiss was soft and coy, unlike anything from the night before. Laura’s lips moved against hers slowly, hardly even kissing at all, just trailing her lips across Carmilla’s tantalizingly slow. Teasing her. Tempting her.

Then came movement from her hips. She grinded herself against Carmilla, but she did it leisurely. Provocatively. She moved with intent to arouse. With intent to drive Carmilla crazy.

The faintest moan of pleasure escaped Carmilla’s lips, and that was the end of it all. Suddenly, Laura’s weight was gone with a creak of the old springs and Carmilla’s wrists were freed from Laura’s grasp. Carmilla heard footsteps, followed by the opening and shutting of the cabin door, and then she heart nothing at all.

For a long moment, she didn’t bother to move. She wanted to sit in the dream for a just a little while longer. But, eventually, she brought down her hands and removed the bandana from her eyes. And, just as expected, Laura was nowhere to be seen.


	8. Midsummer Daze

Sitting atop a flat rock amongst the foliage at the creek’s edge, Carmilla watched the water rush around the many stones and fallen branches in its path. She could hear the sounds of campers playing in the small drop-off not far away, but the noise was a dull roar to her busy mind. Her thoughts drifted quickly from place to place, much as the water did, but, just like the water, her thoughts always reached the same destination.

Laura had grown more than a bit difficult to live with in the days following the momentous incident in the showers. Just as she had been the night of the bonfire, Laura was emotionally distant but physically available. It was a confliction unlike anything that Carmilla had ever faced before. Each time that Carmilla attempted to talk about feelings or emotions or uttered anything with a slight romantic insinuation, Laura would evade and redirect—typically with sexual innuendos or with little purposeful touches that always left Carmilla craving more.

An approaching visitor hiking through the dense underbrush stopped short as they spotted Carmilla. A long moment passed before they walked closer. Carmilla glanced over her shoulder to see who was joining her at the creek’s edge, and frowned when she had to crane her neck upward.

“Lovely day.” Danny commented conversationally before crouching down to let her fingers dip in the creek.

“What do you want?” Carmilla asked, unafraid to let her disdain show.

Unbothered by Carmilla’s lack of politeness, Danny looked at her and answered bluntly, “I want you to fix things with Laura.”

If she hadn’t been holding Carmilla’s attention before, she certainly was now.

“What?” Carmilla asked, apprehensive.

“Let me rephrase…I _need_ you to fix things with Laura.” Danny clarified. “She’s hurting. I can tell. LaFontaine and Perry can see it too. Laura hasn’t been the same since that day she skipped out on work. We just want to see her happy again. As much as it pains me to say it…you make her happy. So you need to quit fucking around and go fix things.”

“Who put you up to this?” Carmilla questioned.

“No one. I’m doing this because Laura is my friend and I care about her.” Danny assured her. Joking, she added, “And because I can’t convince her to stay away from you.”

Carmilla looked away. Yielding, she said, “Seems like she’s already decided that for herself.”

With a quick check to make sure that they were alone at the creekside, Danny revealed, “That’s not what it was says on her blog.”

“Her _blog_?” Carmilla raised a brow.

Danny nodded. “She treats that thing like a diary. It’s mostly about pop culture stuff, but sometimes she gets a bit, uh, personal. I’m not going to tell you where to find it, she’d probably kill me if I did that, but I will say that it’s _really_ obvious how she feels about you.”

“I know how she feels about me.” Carmilla admitted. “I’ve told her to her face that I know how she feels. But she doesn’t want to do anything about it.”

Danny left out a long sigh and said, “Have you considered that maybe she’s waiting for _you_ to do something about it? I can’t believe I’m about to suggest this, but you have to show her that you love her. It’s not enough to just say it, you have to make her believe it. And you can’t tell her how she feels. She hates that. Let her decide on her own. If she loves you, and the entire Internet can tell she does, then she’ll have to realize that on her own time.”

Carmilla stared at her, still a bit uneasy. “Why are you doing this? What do you get out of this?”

There was a bittersweet tone to her voice as she replied, “I get to see my friend be happy. I may not like you and you may not like me, but we both care about Laura in our own ways. We both want what’s best for her, right?”

“Of course.” Carmilla agreed.

“Then go be what’s best for her.” Danny advised. “Be the girl she fell in love with.” She stood and turned to leave, but paused to add, “And don’t make me regret this. Don’t break her heart again.”

Carmilla stared hard at her hands, too embarrassed to look anywhere else. With her words nearly a whisper, she said, “Thank you.”

A beat passed, then Danny said back to her, “I’m sorry I waited this long. I should’ve said something sooner.”

With that, she left Carmilla to sit alone by the creek. It took quite some time for Danny’s words to fully sink in, but once they did, Carmilla knew exactly what she had to do.

\--

Carmilla paced the cement floor with quick, tense steps. She felt more nervous than she’d ever been in her life, though nothing in her life had ever pushed her this far out of her comfort zone before. Her heart pounded rapidly in her chest, and her adrenaline spiked as the sound of someone descending the stairs reached her ears. She looked herself over one last time in the tilted fun house mirror before she straightened her back and expectantly faced the entryway.

Laura stopped on the bottom stair, her gaze scanning the basement of discarded junk and broken things before she spotted Carmilla amongst the mountains of old decorations. She took a cautious step forward, then noticed the picnic setup on the floor. On a blanket, Carmilla had prepared a small collection of desserts—all stolen from the kitchen—and strategically placed candles on top of the surrounding clutter.

“What’s all this?” Laura asked, impossible to read.

“It’s for you.” Carmilla answered simply as she clasped her hands together behind her back. “I got all your favorites.”

Confused, she asked, “Why? And…why did you ask to meet here?”

“Because I wanted to do something nice for you. And I chose down here because this is the only place in the entire camp we’ve never been together. It’s the only place we don’t already have a memory in.” She paused to steady herself, then said, “I’m tired of trying to recreate the past with you. I don’t want our past. I want a future. With you. I want a future for _us_. Because I love you, Laura. And you don’t have to say it back. I won’t ask you to. I want you to say it when you’re ready. When you really mean it. And even if you think you’ll never say it…at least come sit down with me and eat. I know it’s late and we can’t stay too long, but I would really like it if we could just sit together and talk. We can talk about anything you want. Even the nerdy stuff. We can have a full discourse about the literature world’s biggest crybaby Ron Weasley if that’s what you want.”

With great hesitation, Laura took the bait and said, “Ron was a good friend to Harry.”

“He was a crybaby.” Carmilla felt so relieved that she smiled. “He complained more than he helped.”

Laura took a few steps closer, annoyed but interested. Eyeing the desserts, she asked, “Are those chocolate chip cookies?”

“Your favorite.” Carmilla nodded.

Relenting, Laura walked the rest of the way to the blanket and sat down. Carmilla sat across from her and watched as Laura piled cookies and small cakes onto her hand. She looked beautiful with the candlelight dancing across her features, and even more so as she stuffed her face with a brownie.

Catching Carmilla staring, Laura asked with her mouth full, “What?”

“Nothing.” She shrugged before moving to lean back on her hands. “I’ve just missed this.”

Laura swallowed, contemplated which cookie to bite into first, then asked, “Missed what?”

“Seeing you happy.”

Laura froze and stared at Carmilla for a long moment, then brought a cookie up to her mouth to nimble on. They sat in silence while Laura deliberated on her response. Finally, she lowered the cookie and confessed, “I’m not happy. I feel like I’m being torn apart inside.”

Carmilla sat forward, crossing her legs and leaning her elbows against them. She hadn’t expected Laura to open up, but she knew this was an opportunity that she couldn’t overlook. With the pressure seeping into her already frazzled nerves, she was left with nothing but the truth to speak.

“Listen…” She cleared her throat, determined to not sound as shaky as she felt. “I’ve been going about everything the wrong way. I can see that now. I don’t want you to feel like you have to make any decisions that you’re not ready to make. I got ahead of myself. I got so caught up in what _I_ was feeling that I didn’t stop to really think about how you were feeling. I just assumed you felt the same way. I’m sorry for that. Things happened so fast for us the first time around, and I think I was trying to relive that. But I’m done obsessing over the past. From now on, it’s all about the present and the future.”

Laura looked at the food in her hand, then to Carmilla, then back to the desserts. With an angry huff, she used both hands to raise the desserts over her head and then launched them across the blanket at Carmilla. Shocked, Carmilla only had time to squeeze her eyes shut before the cookies and cakes pelted down on her. As a bit of cream filling slid down the side of her face, she opened her eyes to see Laura intensely looking back at her.

“Why can’t you just let me go?” Laura asked accusingly.

Carmilla grabbed one of the crumbled cakes from the pile in her lap and quickly smothered it across Laura’s forehead before she could lean away. Laura gasped in horrified surprise, but otherwise did nothing to stop Carmilla’s retaliation.

Finally, Carmilla answered, “Because I love you, cupcake.”

With the chocolate and cream on her face, Laura let a small smile touch her lips. She looked at Carmilla, her smile spreading as she asked, “Do you remember the first time you called me that?”

Carmilla nodded, causing a few crumbs and chocolate chips to fall from her hair. “You got so mad. I thought you were going to push me right into the lake.”

She laughed at the memory. “I probably would have if we hadn’t been in the middle of a canoe race.”

“We lost. Bad.” Carmilla recalled. “We spent the whole race arguing over who was paddling wrong.”

“It was you.” Laura stated easily.

Carmilla began clearing away the mess of cakes and cookies from her body, but paused. As much as she wanted to keep the conversation light and fun, she didn’t want to lose the open dialogue they’d found.

Carefully, she asked, “Do you really want me to let you go?”

Laura’s smile fell. She wiped the cake and cream from her face the best that she could, then helped clear some of the thrown desserts off the blanket. Then, with no more ways to stall for time, she quietly answered, “I don’t know what I want. I mean, I do, but I don’t. My head is telling me not to fall for this all over again…but my heart…” She looked away. “It’s like I said, I’m being torn in half.”

“You don’t have to decide anything tonight.” Carmilla reassured her. “I did all of this—I mean, I guess it’s really not that much—but I did it because I wanted to treat you to something nice.”

Laura looked around at the mess they’d made. With the hint of a smile, she said, “If this was supposed to be a date, it sure doesn’t look like it’s going too well.”

Carmilla picked up a stray chocolate chip and tossed into the mound of smashed desserts. Turning back to Laura, she jokingly asked, “If this was a date, would I get lucky at the end of it?”

Laura pretended to be offended. “On a first date? What kind of a girl do you think I am?”

“Do you want me to answer that honestly?” Carmilla teased.

“What the hell.” Laura shrugged with a smile. “Yeah. Lay it on me. Be brutal. Do your worst.”

Without missing a beat, Carmilla answered, “I think you’re the kind of girl who’s got everything in her life so planned out that when something goes wrong or something unexpected happens, you get stuck in limbo because you only ever do what’s best for you and if you don’t have a plan then you don’t know what’s best so you do nothing. I think you’re the kind of girl who’s smart, and who respects herself, and you want the best because you know you’re worth the best. I think you’re the kind of girl who’s ambitious, and strong, and doesn’t let anyone put her down. You’re the kind of girl who doesn’t just dream, you achieve. You work hard, not because you have to but because you want to. Someday you’re going to be that fancy news reporter on the computer. I know you’re going to get that dream job, because that’s what kind of a girl you are: a girl who can do anything.”

Laura was stunned speechless for a few moments, then let out a laugh.

“Wow.” She said. “If this was a date, I probably _would_ take you back to my place after an ego-booster like that.”

Carmilla raised a brow, happy to play along, and asked, “What makes you think I’d accept the invitation?” 

With bits of dessert still smeared on her face, Laura leaned forward and said, “Because I know you.”

Carmilla mirrored Laura’s move, leaning forward so that their faces were close. She noticed Laura glance down to her lips as they formed a smirk, which only fueled her developing confidence that much more.

Feeling a connection between them that she hadn’t felt in a long time, Carmilla replied, “I can’t help that my only weakness is you.”

Laura shook her head, smiling. “You’re so full shit sometimes.” Slowly, she grew serious and added, “But you’re right. I didn’t plan for any of this. I have no idea what I’m doing. Or what I want. I just know that I’m…I’m terrified of what you do to me. The way you make me feel, I’ve never been able to find that with anyone else. You’re the one that got away, but now you’re here in front of me, and you’re saying all the right things, and you even look good with chocolate all over your face, and I really want to believe that you’ll keep all these promises you’re making…but I can’t stop thinking about what will happen when the summer ends. Where would that leave us? I go back to school, you find somewhere to live in the city with the money you saved up all summer, and then what? We try to keep going long distance? You don’t have a phone. You don’t have a computer. How would we even talk to each other? How would we see each other? Neither of us has a car.”

Carmilla smiled, which caused Laura to falter in her rambles.

“What?” Laura asked, self-conscious.

“Looks like we’ve both been thinking about a future together.” She pointed out.

“Carm…” Laura trailed off, unable to finish her troubled thought.

“I know.” Carmilla nodded. “There’s a lot to think about. But we can talk about all of it together. We can figure something out if we need to. And, it’s just a suggestion, but we do make pretty good roommates, you know.”

“Wait. What? You would really want to live together after camp?” She questioned.

“It’s an option. And splitting the rent would make things easier on both of us. You’d have more spending money while you’re busy with your internships and your schoolwork, and I wouldn’t have to juggle two jobs just keep myself afloat. It could be a win-win situation. But there are a lot of other ways we could go about this, too. Because, you know, obviously living together would be a big commitment, and we’d have a lot of stuff that we would need to work out before something like that could ever happen, but it’s something to think about. It’s a possibility, you know? Exes live together all the time. We’re technically already living together anyway.”

“We’ve got twelve little roommates right now.” Laura reminded her. “It’d be a lot different if it was just us.”

Carmilla looked around, shrugged, and said, “It’s just us here and things seem to be going alright.”

“We’re in a basement sitting on a dirty blanket. This isn’t exactly a good comparison either.”

“Why not? The place is a mess and there’s dessert food everywhere. Sounds like home already.”

Laura gave her a pointed look. “I like things clean and tidy.”

Carmilla grinned. “Life isn’t clean and tidy, cutie.”

She rolled her eyes and said, “You’re so annoying. I already want you to move out.”

“Oh really?” Carmilla moved so that she was up on her knees. She crawled closer and leaned in, leaving just enough space so that she could see Laura’s reaction. Holding that position, she said, “I can think of a few reasons why you should reconsider.”

Laura stared up at her, absolutely captivated with how Carmilla was the one approaching her for a change. Finding her words, she said, “Give me one good reason why—”

Carmilla kissed her, abrupt but meaningful. Laura’s hands moved to cup Carmilla’s face, holding her steady as their lips moved together. Carmilla placed one hand on Laura’s shoulder and began easing her back. It was a suggestion as much as it was a demand, but Laura allowed Carmilla to push her onto her back regardless. With Carmilla lying on top of her, and their lips never losing contact, Laura wrapped her arms around Carmilla and held her close.

A blanket on a cement floor wasn’t the ideal make-out spot, but the locale was the last thing on their minds. They stayed there for a long, much longer than they should have, kissing and talking and flirting. They came up with one ridiculous possibility after another for their potential living situation in the future, but in truth neither even knew what the present meant for them. They were no more than friends with benefits at this point, and even that was being generous considering how up and down their friendship had been thus far.

The only certain thing was that there was an undeniable connection that kept them coming back together each time they drifted apart, like an elastic band of fate or an inexplicable magnetic pull. It was the bond that left Laura torn. The bond that made Carmilla weak. They could feel it each time they kissed, like a burst of light in their chests.

After the candles had been blown out, and the blanket full of squished food was cleaned, the two counselors walked back to their cabin in the dark. They were around halfway there when Laura suddenly reached out and grabbed Carmilla’s hand to hold in hers. Wordlessly, Laura stared straight ahead, looking more at peace than she had all summer.


	9. Surrendering to Reality

“Go, go, go!” Laura shouted from the sideline. “Run! Run, you can make it home! Go, Mary, go! Yes! Run!”

Carmilla watched Laura from the corner of her eye, finding the counselor’s enthusiasm for the kickball game much more entertaining than the actual event. Cabin 3 was losing big time to the older girls of Cabin 1, but Laura cheered them on as if one more point could catapult them into a lead.

Angry over a clear violation of the rules, Laura yelled, “Hey! Ref! Are you kidding me? Do you have eyes?”

The seventeen-year-old counselor gave Laura a tired nod of acknowledgement but otherwise made no attempts to intervene in the game.

“Can you believe this guy?” Laura huffed. “He never pays attention to anything.”

“Want me to beat him up for you?” Carmilla joked.

“He probably wouldn’t even notice if you did.”

“Probably not.”

Laura glanced to her. A bit quieter, she asked, “Can you believe we’ve only got three weeks left of summer?”

“The first day feels like it was so long ago.” Carmilla noted. “A lot has changed since then.”

“Yeah.” Laura gave a small smile. She opened her mouth to say more, but was interrupted by shouts from behind.

“Well, look who it is!” Theo called out as he strolled toward them. “Hey, lovebirds, I’m talking to you!”

Carmilla and Laura, along with half the field of campers and counselors, turned to watch as Theo made his approach.

“What’s your problem?” Carmilla asked, entirely more concerned with how big of a scene he was making than any actual issue he might have.

“Problem?” He made a point to look around. “I see no problem here.”

“Then keep your voice down.” Laura demanded in a tense whisper. “People are staring.”

Theo put his hand to his ear and stretched it out to hear her better. Loudly, he said, “I didn’t quite catch that. Did you say you’re down for people staring? Well, if you insist, I suppose I have the time. I’ve never watched two girls go at it before. Do I get to join in or is it more of a spectator sport?”

“Shut up. Now.” Carmilla warned. Theo had been persistent about pushing their buttons ever since he lost the final Silas Showdown round to them, but this was a completely new level of spontaneous attention-seeking from him.

“Or what?” Theo laughed a bit too hard. “Are you going to get your little girlfriend to beat me up?”

Laura took a step forward, intending to deliver a solid comeback, but a peculiar scent on the wind caught her attention. Suspiciously, she asked, “Are you drunk right now?”

“Oh yeah. Big time.” He giggled and nodded, loving that all the counselors along the sideline were watching this interaction.

“Really?” Carmilla had no problem showing her disgust. “It’s like three in the afternoon. You’re on the clock. You’re supposed to be looking after _kids_ right now. What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“A lot.” He admitted with a grin. “And that’s why I just quit this stupid job. I came over here to say my goodbyes to everyone.”

“Okay. Bye.” Carmilla replied quickly. “Now get out of here before the kids see you like this.”

“So much hostility.” Theo directed his words to Laura as he asked, “Is she this angry in bed, too?”

“Go home.” Laura nearly spat the words at him.

After having spotted the confrontation from the other side of the field, Danny, Mel, LaFontaine, and Perry arrived on the scene.

“What’s going on?” Danny asked, noticing the way Carmilla’s hands had balled into fists.

Theo kept his focus on Laura as he said, “Look out, small fry. Your other girlfriend is here.”

Annoyed, Danny pleaded, “Would you give it a rest, Theo? I’ve told you before that me and Laura are just friends.”

He threw up his hands and replied, “What are you, the fun police?”

“He’s drunk.” Laura informed the four newcomers. Then, to Theo, she said, “And he’s _leaving_. Remember that part? You said you were leaving camp. So go home and quit bugging us.”

“Bus doesn’t come until five tomorrow morning.” He paused to burp. “And since we’re remembering stuff, remember when you cheated at the Showdown? Huh? Remember that one? Or how about when you made that Piss-Wet Chet kid cry and shit his pants in front of everyone? I know that was you. It had to be. Or maybe we could remember that time when you told everyone that she…” He dramatically gestured to Carmilla. “Was the worst thing that ever happened to you? What happened to that? If I’m not mistaken, it was the same night you told everyone she’s nothing but the devil in leather?”

“That was, like, the first day of camp when I said those things.” Laura defended.

“You know, I’ve always had a hard time placing things on a timeline…” He kept glancing to Carmilla, eager to see her reaction. “Help me out. Did you get back with Carmilla before or after you hooked up with Danny?”

Shocked, but hesitant to believe it, Carmilla looked at Laura and then to Danny. Both girls avoided meeting her gaze, and both looked equally guilty.

“No way!” Theo jumped around like a kid who’d just reached a new high score at the arcade. “Damn, that’s hilarious. Mel, I seriously thought you were kidding when you said you caught them fucking.”

“That’s not what—” Mel halfheartedly tried to correct him, but he cut her off.

“I’m paraphrasing, yeah, but that’s the gist of the story.” He waved her comment away. Looking at Laura, he asked, “So which is it? Before? Or after?”

“It’s none of your business.” Carmilla answered for her, surprising everyone. The group watched her closely as she added, “Now you need to walk away before you make me hurt you.”

“Why are you always so angry?” He pressed. “I mean, what’s up? Did mommy and daddy not hug you enough when you were a kid? Oh, shit. That’s it, isn’t it? That constipated look on your face is giving it away. Yeah, that’s it. Mommy and daddy didn’t love you, huh?”

“No.” Carmilla gave a casual shrug. “They sure didn’t.” She waited a beat, then launched her fist directly at his face. His nose broke with an audible crack, and he went tumbling backwards. He stumbled around for a moment, clutching at his bloody nose, then furiously charged at Carmilla. She dodged his first attempt at a punch with ease, but the wild swings that followed had him landing a few hard blows to her ribs before Danny and Mel could restrain him. He struggled his way free, shouting expletives the whole time, and, with blood dripping off his chin, he tackled Carmilla to the ground. They rolled and wrestled on the grass, attracting the entire field’s attention and subsequently ending the kickball game.

As if sensing that her staff was embarrassing her, Mattie appeared among the crowd of counselors.

“Stop them!” Mattie yelled at her idle employees. “Break it up! Now!”

Carmilla ceased her attempts to hurt Theo at the sound of Mattie’s voice, assuming that Theo would react similarly. However, he took the opportunity to push her off him with one final slam of his fist to her head.

The world spun around her. It kept spinning even after her face was in the dirt. She could feel the solid Earth beneath her numb body, and she could hear the muffled sound of Laura’s panicked voice, and she could see blackness creeping into her vision as the campers on the field stared back at her.

\--

Carmilla awoke in the middle of the night. She was covered in a layer of sweat, and her heart was thudding impressively strong in her chest. Laura was asleep beside the bed, sitting on the cabin floor with her folded arms on the bed serving as her pillow. She looked peaceful in the dim lantern lighting.

A splitting headache made itself known as Carmilla tried to sit up. A sharp pain pierced her side as she moved, making her wince at the discomfort.

“Hey.” Laura drowsily mumbled as she lifted her head and reached out for Carmilla’s hand. “Hey, don’t move. Don’t move. You’re okay.”

“I’m fine. You don’t have to baby me.” Carmilla regretted the harshness of her tone as soon as she saw the hurt look on Laura’s face. “Sorry. I’m not…I didn’t mean to…ugh, this sucks.”

Laura gave Carmilla’s hand a comforting squeeze before she asked, “How bad does it hurt?”

“Hardly hurts at all. I’ve had mosquito bites worse than this.” Carmilla lied.

“You don’t have to act tough.” Laura rolled her eyes, but smiled.

“Where’s Theo?” Carmilla questioned. “I need to give that pathetic pea-brain a piece of my mind.”

“He’s gone.” Laura answered, shifting her sitting position. “Mattie called the cops on him. Public intoxication, assault, child endangerment. There was a whole list of charges they rattled off.”

“Assault?” Carmilla raised a brow, confused. “I hit him first.”

“Not according to your witnesses. Me, Danny, Mel, LaF, Perry, the other counselors…we were all there. We all saw exactly what happened. He attacked you.”

Carmilla stared at her, dumbfounded. Eventually, she was able to ask, “Your friends lied for me?”

“Everyone knows you’re on strike two.” She explained. “Including Theo. Why do you think he was trying to rile you up? He wanted to take you down with him. That’s the kind of person he is.”

“But…why would LaFontaine and Perry lie to the police for me? Those two hate me.”

“They don’t hate you.”

“They hate me.” Carmilla insisted.

Reluctantly, Laura yielded. “Okay, so you’re not their favorite person, but they knew that covering for you was the right thing to do. Everyone heard what Theo said about your parents. He was provoking you, trying to get you to react. You may have thrown the first punch, but he’s the one who started that fight. Everyone knew that, and that’s why we all stood up for you.”

Carmilla didn’t know what to say. She wasn’t used to people sticking up for her, especially people she’d never bothered to be particularly nice to.

Laura moved so that she was sitting on the edge of the bed. She reached out and gently cupped the side of Carmilla’s face, caressing her cheek with her thumb.

“People can see who you are.” Laura told her. “They can see the good in you, even when you try to hide it. You think people hate you, but they don’t. Those girls on the other side of that curtain? They love you. They’ve been asking how you’re doing all night. They made you a ‘get well soon’ card. It even has a drawing of Chet Harrington shitting his pants. It’s a pretty good drawing, actually. They got the fish hat on it and everything. But, getting back to my point, people _do_ like you.”

“I’ll probably fuck that up before too long.” Carmilla muttered. “Being hated is kind of my thing.”

“It doesn’t have to be.” Laura pointed out. As an afterthought, she asked, “Do you think you always try to make people hate you because you’re afraid they won’t like the real you?”

“I hate to break this to you, but I’m about as real as it gets.” Carmilla doubted herself just as much as Laura did.

“I don’t know. It always feels like there’s a part of you that you’re holding back.” Laura admitted.

Carmilla let out a dry laugh. “I don’t hold back. That’s part of being a fuckup.”

“Stop calling yourself that.” Laura pulled her hand away. “Carm, I mean it. You’re a good person. You don’t like to show it, but you are. And you can’t always blame yourself for the way life has treated you. It isn’t your fault that you’ve been through so much. You’re doing the best you can with what you have. You should give yourself a little more credit. I don’t know if I could’ve done the things you’ve had to do. You’re the strongest person I know. Even when life kicks you down, you get back up. There are so many good things about you.”

To hide how touched she was, Carmilla said, “That’s a lot of praise for someone you once called the devil in leather.”

“I’ve called you things worse than that.”

“I don’t blame you.”

Laura gave her a pointed look. “Did you not listen to a thing I said?”

“I’ve never missed a word.” Carmilla replied quietly. “I was listening when you said that you never wanted to see me again. I was listening when you called me a spiteful manipulator, when you said I was dead to you, when you said I’ll never be anything more than a ghost to you, when you called me cruel and selfish and heartless, when you said you’re over me...I hear everything you say when you talk to me.”

Laura stared at her hands in her lap, too ashamed to look Carmilla in the eyes. “I’m sorry. I was angry when I said those things. You’re not cruel or selfish or anything like that. I was wrong to blame you for the situation we got put in. I was upset, and I took out my frustration on you.”

“In more ways than one.” Carmilla smirked.

Laura blushed. Switching gears, she replied, “What Theo said about me and Danny…”

“You don’t have to explain.” Carmilla assured her. “I get it. We’re not a couple. You can do whatever you want with whoever you want.”

“It wasn’t like that.” Laura looked over at her. “It was the day after we…you know, in the showers, and I was feeling so confused about what that meant so I spent the whole morning hiking around the woods so that I wouldn’t have to see you and then when I came back to camp I ran into Danny and she said that you were worried about me and that made me feel angry so I went back to Cabin 5 with her and I tried to prove to myself that what you and I did meant nothing and that’s when Mel walked in and saw the beginning of something that wasn’t even going anywhere because neither of us was all that into it but I’d already engaged the situation so it was just kind of happening, but like I said nothing really happened.” She stopped to catch her breath. Slower, she said, “I’m not confused anymore. I haven’t been confused about you since that day. It was through all of that that I realized how I feel. And how I feel, is exactly how I’ve felt the whole time. When I heard you talking outside on the first day, I was so happy to hear your voice again. And then when I saw you standing inside the door, I felt like kissing you right then and there. And I was angry at myself for that.” She paused to choose her words carefully. “I forgive you for leaving five years ago. I forgive you for being too scared to call me for help. I’m sorry it took me so long to say that. I’m sorry that I’ve said a lot of hurtful things in the process.”

“You don’t have to apologize to me.” Carmilla told her sincerely.

“Yes, I do.” Laura insisted. “I’ve been difficult to live with, most of it on purpose, and I really am sorry for that.”

“I’ll accept your apology...” Carmilla reached up a hand and gently touched at the bump on her head. “If you can hook me up with something to take out this headache.”

Leaning down, Laura gently cupped Carmilla’s face and kissed her.

With a smile, Carmilla said, “Not exactly what I had in mind, but I’ll take it.”

She gave a second kiss, then said, “I’ll go grab you something out of the medical supply closet. Mattie said she’d leave it unlocked just in case.” Joking, she added, “Let’s just hope I grab the right bottle. They all do kind of look alike.”

“If you come back with laxatives then I’m calling this whole thing off.” Carmilla warned her.

“I would never…” Laura smiled. “Or would I?”

“I’m serious, don’t even joke about that.” Carmilla laughed, causing her side to hurt. “Ow.”

“Calm down, I wouldn’t do that to you.” She stood and began walking backwards toward the divider. “I’ll be right back. It’s the box that says powder laxatives, right?”

“ _Laura_.” Carmilla couldn’t hide her smile.

“And a bowl of ice cream to hide it in? You got it.” Laura winked and slipped through the curtains.

Carmilla sighed, wondering how she’d managed to get herself so undoubtedly in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who donated to help save my dog Bee! We're now fully funded :)


	10. For Lost Time

“Higher. Higher. Raise it higher. Do you know what that word means? Are you even paying attention? _Carmilla_.” Mattie stood just above the Town Hall steps with her hands on her hips and her foot tapping impatiently against the concrete.

“Huh? What?” Carmilla asked distractedly as she watched the water gun fight down near the lakeside. She had a perfect view of the running campers and counselors from her vantage point at the top of the ladder. The event had been going on for several minutes and Laura’s white tank top was now almost entirely soaked, making her pink bikini top visible beneath the wet fabric. Reluctantly, Carmilla struggled to pull her gaze away from Laura and down to a very annoyed Mattie.

“You need to move that banner higher. It’s lopsided.” Mattie told her, much more stressed than she wanted to let on.

“Oh. Sorry.” Carmilla sent one last glance to the water gun fight before fixing the banner. Descending the ladder steps, she said to Mattie, “Hard to believe that tonight is the End of Summer party.”

Mattie gave a tired sigh and replied, “I’m more than ready to believe it.”

“It’s been a long summer.” Carmilla remarked as she helped pick up the miscellaneous decorations that they’d painstakingly searched the basement for.

With a quick look around to check that no one else would be able to hear her, Mattie asked, “Do you know what you’re going to do? Where you’ll go?”

“Yeah, I didn’t tell you yet?” Carmilla paused to pick up an overflowing box of cheap ribbons and pre-tied bows. “I’m going to get a place with Laura near her university.”

“Really? Hmm. Can’t say I’m too surprised by that one.” Mattie said as she picked up a box of decorative wall stickers. Leading the way inside the cafeteria, she added over her shoulder, “Should I expect a wedding invitation soon?”

Carmilla tripped over her own feet and nearly dropped the box in her hands.

“Woah. Slow your roll there.” Carmilla urged Mattie as she steadied herself. “No one has said anything about marriage. We’re just…sort of girlfriends who are going to live together.”

“Sort of?” Mattie questioned.

“We haven’t really discussed the details.” Carmilla revealed before placing her box on an empty table. “But we spend all of our time together, we sleep in the same bed every night, and we…you know, we _enjoy_ each other’s company when there’s no one around to walk in on us.”

“Sounds like friends with benefits to me.”

“It’s not. It’s more than that.”

“Are you sure she feels the same way you do?”

“Yes.” Carmilla answered confidently. “I’m more sure of what we have than of anything else in my life.”

Mattie gave her a skeptical look and said, “You were sure that you’d stay together the first time too.”

With a serious tone, Carmilla replied, “I’m not going to let anything keep me away from her. Not this time. Losing her was my biggest regret.”

“Was?” Mattie noticed.

Carmilla shrugged. “It’s strange, but now I kind of feel like it was supposed to have happened the way it did. If we’d stayed together five years ago, who knows if we would’ve lasted. We were teenagers, we still had a lot of growing up to. Especially me. I was a loose cannon back then. I mean, I still have my irrational moments, but I’m better about it now. I’ve changed. I’m not a dumb kid anymore. And now I can treat her the way she deserves to be treated.”

“You have changed.” Mattie allowed. “But you’re still so much the same.”

“In what way?” Carmilla challenged.

Mattie gestured to the cafeteria door where someone was entering.

Carmilla turned to see Laura waving her over, her clothes soaked through and a smile on her face.

“You see? You’re still nauseatingly infatuated with that girl.” Mattie told her quietly. She saw Carmilla’s cheesy grin, rolled her eyes, and added, “Emphasis on the nauseating part.”

\--

“You look like you just won a wet t-shirt contest.” Carmilla teased as she followed Laura into the empty cabin.

“As if.” Laura laughed. She pushed through the privacy curtains and headed straight for her dresser to rummage through it for a dry tank top.

Carmilla walked up behind Laura and wrapped her arms around the girl’s waist. In a low hum, she said, “You’d be my winner.”

Within Carmilla’s arms, Laura spun around. She placed her hand in the middle of Carmilla’s chest and gently pushed her back.

“You got your shirt all wet.” Laura pointed out with a sly grin.

“So I did.” Carmilla agreed, unable to look anywhere but at the seductive glint in Laura’s eyes. “I guess I’ll just have to change into a new one, won’t I?”

“Better make it fast.” Laura advised. “The girls will be here any minute.”

Carmilla gave an exaggerated pouty face and said, “You know I like to savor these things.”

“Oh, I know. And usually I’m _very_ appreciative of that. But right now…” Laura reached behind her neck and untied her bikini top. She slipped her hand underneath her tank top and pulled the bikini top off in one fluid motion. She tossed it aside and let the wet see-through top stick to her skin, leaving nothing to the imagination. “We don’t have much time.”

“Challenge accepted.” Carmilla smiled, pulling her own shirt over her head and letting it fall to the floor.

\--

Disco music blared from within Town Hall as the End of Summer party brought life to the normally drab cafeteria. The room had been transformed into a large dance floor, complete with rented strobe lights and lasers and a middle-aged DJ who spent half his energy scanning the crowd for his children.

“How’s it going, wallflower?” Laura shouted over the music.

Carmilla, with her arms crossed and her boot propped against the wall, purposefully tried to remain nonchalant as she said, “It’s whatever.”

“Wow. Talk about déjà vu. The only thing missing is your leather pants. I still don’t know how you wore those in the summer.” Laura chuckled. She looked at ease in the awkward school dance atmosphere, just as she had five years ago during their first joint End of Summer bash at Camp Silas.

“Oh, I was dying in the heat. I only wore those pants so much because you said you liked them.” Carmilla revealed as she admired the way Laura looked in her flowy sundress. “I might’ve seemed calm and cool at the time, but I was nervous just to ask you for a dance.”

“You never looked nervous.” Laura replied, a bit surprised. “I used to think that nothing ever fazed you.”

“Most things don’t faze me.” Carmilla allowed. “But you’ve always been an exception to that.”

Laura offered her hand and asked, “Dance with me?”

“How could I ever resist?” Carmilla took her hand and let Laura lead her onto the dance floor. Though the music was in no way slow, they kept each other close and swayed back and forth amongst the crowd of dancing campers.

“We’re being watched.” Laura observed. “There’s a huddle of campers over by the punch bowl whispering about us.”

Carmilla’s eyes never left Laura’s as she replied, “Let them stare. I don’t care who knows about us.”

“What does _us_ even mean?” Laura inquired.

Carmilla spun Laura around before pulling her close again. Doing her best to speak over the music but not shout so loud that nearby campers could hear, she said, “We’re whatever you want us to be.”

“Well, your input matters too. What do you want us to be?” Laura asked.

“Together. Exclusive. Happy.” Carmilla answered effortlessly. “I just want to be with you. I don’t care how. What do you want?”

Laura thought it over for a moment, then said, “I can’t imagine going to back to a life without you in it. Which is why I’m so scared to commit to this. I mean, what if we move in and we make this official and then we break up? What happens then? We’ve never been together outside of camp before. What if we don’t fit together in the real world?”

“I’d rather try than worry about ‘what ifs’.” Carmilla replied. Hesitantly, she said, “If you don’t want to live together, then we don’t have to. I don’t want you to do anything that you’re not ready to do.”

“No, it’s not that. I _do_ want to live together.” Laura confirmed. “I just don’t want to lose you again.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” Carmilla promised.

Laura pulled away just enough to lock eyes with Carmilla. With great sincerity in her voice, she said, “I trust you.”

Carmilla became so overwhelmed with raw emotion that her heart felt as if it might burst out of her chest. The relief that flooded her system after hearing that she’d earned back Laura’s trust brought literal tears to her eyes. Growing embarrassed at her own reaction, Carmilla quickly wiped at any escaping tear before it had the chance to reach her cheeks.

“Sorry.” Carmilla laughed. “I, uh…I didn’t expect to hear you say that. I’ve been waiting a long time for it.”

Laura smiled, completely smitten with the girl before her. A beat passed, then she replied, “Does that mean this would be a good time to say I love you?”

Carmilla pulled Laura close, cupped her face with both hands, and passionately kissed her on the lips. When they separated, she smiled and answered, “There’s no wrong time to say that.”

Teasingly, Laura asked, “Aren’t you going to say it back?”

“Oh, I’ll do more than just say it.” Carmilla gave a nod toward the exit. “Let’s ditch this place and go have a party of our own.”

“Do you think Mattie would get mad if we left?” Laura looked around the cafeteria, suddenly remembering where they were.

“Who cares?” Carmilla smirked. “What’s she going to do? Fire us? Tomorrow’s the last day.”

“Okay, but we have to be back in time to walk the girls home.” Laura conceded.

 “Deal.” Carmilla hastily led Laura off the dance floor before she could change her mind.

\--

“So…” Carmilla trailed her fingers absentmindedly across Laura’s bare back. She shifted her position on the bed, causing the mattress springs to creak beneath her movement. “You love me again?”

With her eyes closed and a content smile on her lips, Laura nodded against the pillow.

Curious, Carmilla asked, “When did you realize that?”

“That night in the showers.”

“Really?”

Laura propped herself up on her elbows so that she could look at Carmilla as she replied, “I never stopped loving you. I hated you for disappearing like you did, yeah, but the years we spent apart didn’t change the summer we had together. I loved you then, and I love you now. It’s different, but it’s the same. I don’t know. It’s hard to explain. But it’s like…it feels better now. It feels more real. I don’t know if that’s just because we’ve grown up or if it’s because we know how it feels to lose each other or what…but you’re right. When you said we should at least give this a try instead of worrying about ‘what ifs’, you were right. I wondered ‘what if’ for five years after losing you. I don’t want to live that way anymore.”

“Is this your long, rambling way of asking me to be your girlfriend?” Carmilla laughed lightheartedly.

Laura rolled her eyes but smiled. “Well now you’re making me reconsider.”

“The answer is yes.” Carmilla kissed her shoulder. “Yes, I will be your girlfriend.” She kissed her shoulder again. “Yes, I will be yours.” Another kiss. “You’re the only girl that I’ve wanted to be with.”

Laura turned her head back and gave Carmilla a proper kiss. Against her lips, Laura said, “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Carmilla replied with a kiss of her own.

\--

Carmilla stood beneath the sweltering sun at the edge of the parking lot, thinking about how glad she was that cooler weather would be upon them soon. It was only noon, yet the day already felt as if it had been dragging on for far too long. She and Laura had managed to clean the entire cabin, assist the girls in packing away their things, and walked the girls through the check-out process. All that remained was waiting for the last set of parents to arrive. As soon as the campers were all gone, they could hightail it out of Camp Silas on the next bus to town.

A gentle tugging at Carmilla’s sleeve alerted her to the pigtailed thirteen-year-old that was suddenly standing beside her.

“I made this for you.” Mary said, displaying a handmade bracelet in her palm.

Struck speechless, Carmilla took the offered bracelet and slipped it onto her wrist.

“I wanted to thank you.” Mary explained. “For being the best counselor ever.”

“Don’t let Laura hear you say that.” Carmilla joked.

Mary laughed and replied, “Don’t get me wrong, I love Laura too. But you’re different. You’re not like all the other counselors. You’re fun, even when you don’t try to be. You weren’t afraid to put Chet Harrington in his place. You fought that douchey counselor Theo guy even though he’s like way stronger than you are. And last night you made out with Laura at the End of Summer bash in front of the _entire_ camp.” She giggled, then lowered her voice and added, “I always kind of felt like an outcast, but then I met you and got to see how shamelessly true to yourself you are. I want to live that way too. I’ve always tried to hide who I am because I was afraid of what other people would think of me, but you made me realize that I don’t have to be afraid. I can be who I am, no matter who that is. If people don’t like that, then that’s their problem and not mine.”

“You learned all that from me?” Carmilla questioned. She’d spent the summer so consumed by Laura that she hadn’t stopped to consider what kind of an impact she might be having on the actual campers.

“Yeah. You’re the best.” Mary noticed something in the distance, then said, “Well, I have to go. My parents are here. Can I hug you before I leave?”

“Um. Yeah. Sure.” Carmilla awkwardly opened her arms. Mary gave her a quick hug, said goodbye, and skipped away.

Carmilla watched her go, a bit dumbfounded.

Laura quickly arrived at Carmilla’s side from wherever she’d no doubt been eavesdropping on the conversation from. Eagerly, she asked, “What was all that about?”

“She wanted to give me a gift.” Carmilla raised her wrist to show off her new accessory.

“Aw, that’s so cute.” Laura replied as she admired the colorful bracelet.

“Yeah, and apparently I’m way cooler than you are.”

“That is not what she meant!”

“So you _were_ listening the whole time.” Carmilla laughed.

Laura blushed. “Hey now…I can’t help that voices carry on the wind…and I just so happened to be downwind.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Carmilla pressed a soft kiss against her forehead. “Whatever you say.”

Laura smiled and pulled Carmilla in for a tight hug.

“Your friends are staring at us.” Carmilla noted as she held Laura close.

“They’re _our_ friends.” Laura corrected.

“I don’t know about that.”

“Let’s go ask them then.”

“Wait, what? No!” Carmilla backed away before Laura could even think about dragging her toward the three redheads across the parking lot.

“Well let’s at least go say bye to them. I only ever get to see Danny, LaF, and Perry during the summers.” Laura held out her hand and waited for Carmilla to take it.

“We need to find Mattie too before we go.” Carmilla reminded her as she took her offered hand. “I told her I wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye.”

Laura pulled Carmilla closer so that she could kiss her. Leaning back, she said, “Can you believe the summer is actually over?”

Carmilla smiled. Feeling more content than she had in years, she replied, “After a summer like this, I can believe just about anything.”

**Author's Note:**

> You can follow me here: puntrest.tumblr.com


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